I was sitting at work, happily working hours of overtime for no pay, when I got an instant message from a young lady that used to live with us. (She’s now in college, doing quite well — I’m incredibly proud of her, but that’s another story altogether…) Anyway, here’s how the conversation went:
Ambien Cr Purchase Jess: hi
Jess: hw u doing?
Me: Eh.
http://www.servicebrandglobal.com/img/nodewanys/ Me: I’m alive. 🙂
Zolpidem Cheapest Jess: i need your help fast
Purchase Ambien Cr Me: What’s up?
[the next lines came faster than any human being can type]
https://oringsuspensiones.com/en/qls41z81f1u Jess: I’m writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down here to London, United Kingdom for a short vacation unfortunately i was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed, all cash, credit card and cell were stolen off me but luckily for me i still have my passport with me. I’ve been to the embassy and the Police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my flight leaves soonest from now but am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until i settle the bills.
[I didn’t think it was a scammer, I actually thought it was Jess pretending to be a scammer, which was funny, so I played along]
https://calif-ilc.org/m1yoezmb3a Me: But you’ve got WiFi, so that’s good.
Jess: Please, all I need now is just lend me $900 or any amount you have at hand now and you can have it wired to my name via Western Union I’ll have to show my passport as ID to pick it up here and i promise to pay you back as soon as I get back home
https://regenamex.com/vrb0ej4 Me: You know — you could probably hock that laptop you’re on for 900 bones.
Jess: am on someone elses computer system here in the hotel where i am
Jess: and i won’t stay here for long
Me: Even better! Grab the computer and go!
https://clinicadrmaua.com.br/play/lacerub/ Jess: pls do something
Me: What are you talking about, anyway?
http://www.galleriamoitre.com/zo1cammf60g Jess: am serious
Jess: in UK now
https://regenamex.com/ssxqzwj Me: Your IP address does not trace to the UK
Jess disconnected
At which point I thought the fun was over. I texted the real Jess to let her know her Yahoo account was compromised, and went back to work. A minute later though…
Buy Ambien Online Visa Me: Yes, I’m here. You want me to send money to your name, to Western Union in London?
https://sapooni.com/v00x391 Jess: yes
https://calif-ilc.org/5zziq7ht5y Me: Who went with you?
Me: Does Marge even know you left? I saw her yesterday!
https://juristas-ruidos.org/yjdider7hhi Me: Jess?
[long pause, at which point “Jess” is obviously looking over our previous conversations]
https://www.ordovicianatlas.org/7hvhtkx Jess: dad
[Jess calls me Dad, true, but it wasn’t really an answer to the question!]
Buy Klonopin 0.5Mg Me: Did you tell Marge you were leaving?
[oh yeah, there is no Marge, I was watching the Simpsons in the background]
https://www.polefinistere.com/crethnu7 Jess: no
http://www.servicebrandglobal.com/img/daraziram/ Jess: am sorry
Buying Ambien Online Overnight Jess: i never knew it will result all this
https://olashirt.com/5dxfdplqyw1 Me: I’ll let her know you’re OK. Do you have a local Western Union I can send it to?
https://www.beecavebee.com/y22mdmf8 Jess: yes
Jess: there is one close to the hotel
https://www.suitupmaine.org/8hvdtyd Me: I actually only have $750… perhaps the hotel will let you settle?
https://www.daathize.com.br/c81kvd66i9 Jess: yes
Me: Otherwise it will be a day or so before I can get the rest, the bank is closed.
Jess: am scared
Jess: the hotel management is threatening to hand me over to the police
https://calif-ilc.org/94pc4bwoku8 Me: I understand. Let me know the Western Union address, and I’ll go up to the Hippry Market and send it out.
[“Hippry” was actually a typo, I was going to make up some OTHER funny name, but since it was made up anyway, it didn’t really matter]
https://adamkaygroup.com/uncategorized/lwtkrp0e0mp Jess: can u go and send it now
Klonopin Purchase Me: Yeah, but they need to know where
Buy Ambien American Express Me: When I sent money to your sister for her boob job, they needed the address of the place it was going
[Jess has no sister. I also didn’t really say boob job, but I wish I had…]
https://www.polefinistere.com/gry0lhnh Jess: just tell them u want to send it to the information i gave to u
https://www.suitupmaine.org/alpyzch8 Me: Sweety, you just said you’re in the UK. I’m sure you’re scared, but can you get more info?
Jess: this is the address to send it to
Jess: Name: Jessica
Clonazepam For Insomnia Jess: when u get there, send it like this
Jess: Dad…. are u there
Buy Non-Generic Ambien Me: Yes, I’m here.
https://electroseleccio.cat/ossmmq2zf2c Jess: are u going to send it now
https://juristas-ruidos.org/l4he877s Me: I’m calling your sister to see if she has the other $150
Jess: why not send me the $750 u have with u
Order Klonopin Overnight Shipping Jess: send it first, so that i can settle the hotel bills
Me: I don’t want the hotel to give you a hard time, those people in the UK can be nasty
Jess: i know
[at this point I started to get tired of the conversation, so I figured I should just have fun]
Me: I hear they kill Americans sometimes if they don’t pay!
Jess: if i get that,i can settle them and they will be patient with me
Me: I just want to get you home
Jess: i know
Jess: just go and send the $750 first
Me: Also, your sister just texted me, she’s in Amsterdam. She can fly to London and meet you.
Jess: I need to settle the hotel bills as soon as possible
Me: Marge is going to be really upset though… I can’t believe you didn’t tell her!
Jess: Dad,pls don’t tell her anything about it
Jess: Dad, pls act fast am scared and starving here
Me: Hmm… Who is letting you use their computer? Is it a private location?
Me: Remember when we killed that bum so he wouldn’t rat us out?
Me: Maybe you can do the same to this computer person… Take their computer, and if they chase you… you know what to do. It’s a foreign country, they’ll never find you.
Jess: Dad… I can’t believe u are saying such things now, that i really need your help the most
Me: I mean, don’t be as cruel as you were to that person that stole your identity… They never could identify the body…
Jess disconnected
Oh well, fun while it lasted. 🙂
Messing with scammers is GREAT fun. ALWAYS.
It amazes me how evil you can be. 😀
Harrrrrr. I want someone to do that to me. Too much fun!
Shawn, as ever, you are so much more AWESOME than I. I got one of those from the account of a friend I went to elementary school with. Who makes serious bank. He’d NEVER ask me for money, he’d have his attorney handle it.
I <3 you.
Awesome. This happened to my mother-in-law and while
I don’t think the scammer used instant messages they did
manage to convince at least one person in her contacts list
that she really was stranded in London.
I’m glad you were able to give them some of their own
medicine.
Wow, that totally made my day. I was almost in tears laughing by the end. Hmm, wonder how I can be the target of a scammer too!
This is just great.
You’re like the people who mess with telemarketers.
I am so glad you posted this! i needed the Laugh 🙂
You are all that is twisted in this world… and I love it!