On Creation

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No, not in the biblical sense (or in the bedroom sense… boy, I should really rethink that title…)

(This is actually a journal entry, but it felt like a blog post when I finished, so I copied it here too)

I’m almost 50. Well, recently 49, and 49 is close to 50. And while I’ve been financially poor and financially well off, very rarely in my life has the thing I love doing been the same as the thing that makes money. Making money doesn’t really motivate me.

Don’t get me wrong, I WISH IT DID. Because making money, or more specifically *not* making money, is the thing I think about the most. Literally all day every day. For someone not motivated by making money, I think about making money to an absurd degree. And it ends up being a really weird dynamic. Allow me to elucidate a bit. (I mean, this is my journal so whatever I want to blabber about is fine)

I don’t think a person must love their job, and find passion in how they make money in order to be fulfilled in life. In many ways, I think tying your passion to your employment is a dangerous game that often leads to hating the thing you once loved. The nuance for me is, the main thing I’m good at (using technology) is a skill that facilitates the thing which brings me joy (helping other people, improving the lives of other people).

You’d think that would be the dog’s balls. (is that a saying?) I could help people at home, in their businesses, etc. — and it would also be a way to bring in a steady income. But my lack of being motivated by money screws it all up. See, if I help someone and then take money for the help, it no longer feels like I’ve helped them. It becomes a transaction, and all the joy I would get from improving that person’s situation is GONE.

And it’s not because the person feels less helped, or values the assistance any less. In fact, most people find joy themselves in paying for someone’s time when that person really helped them. But for my stupid brain, if it becomes a transaction, the entire mental situation changes. No longer am I helping them, rather it feels like I’m taking advantage of the person because I have a skill they themselves don’t have.

I think that’s part of the reason I love teaching so much. I’d rather everyone be able to help themselves and others than to have the knowledge and ability myself, and then take money for doing the thing. It’s really illogical on my part, and intellectually I *know* it’s illogical, but that doesn’t change how it works in my head.

So back to creation. I love creating things that bring people joy. Be it my comic, or my training, or my writing… heck even this journal entry might entertain someone in a way that makes their day a bit better because, “at least I’m not as messed up as that guy!”

I love creating so much that if I were paid hourly for “creating whatever”, so I could just make stuff all day, there might be concerns over unfair labor practices I’d be committing on myself. BUT, I don’t create that much. And it’s for a really messed up reason:

It doesn’t bring in money.

See, providing for my family is my utmost concern. Maybe that’s unhealthy, but I certainly don’t apologize for it. And due to reasons both good and bad, in order to pay for the things required to live comfortably, I need to make a significant amount of money. The best way I know to make money is currently to work for a company that pays me well for creating IT training content for them. It’s really hard work, and since I don’t know the subject matter beforehand, it means it’s mentally exhausting learning and then immediately teaching from the standpoint of an expert.

That job happens to be quite flexible when it comes to what hours I work though. Awesome, right? Well… The thing is, the more work I do, the more money I can make. So any time I’m doing something NOT directly related to working my DayJob, I have incredible guilt because I’m not making money. So the things I do that bring me joy do NOT bring me joy, because I’m not making any money while I do them. And the screwed up thing is, making money from the things I love to do is not what makes me love them, AND making money from the things I love often (not always) ruins the whole thing for me anyway.

So what’s a weirdo to do?

Well, I have done many things over the years. Recent years have seen me doing things like opening the ability for Patreon support. Also YouTube subscriptions. And KoFi memberships. And recently, Twitch subscriptions. And I made a book of my comic in order to sell a book for money.

Those types of money-making endeavors somehow “hack” my brain a bit, and allow me to experience the joy of creating without it being ruined by selling it. I think it only works because the money isn’t tied to the product, but rather to supporting me as a person. Since the individual “things” aren’t being sold (the comics in the book are all available for free online), the financial compensation is sorta separated from the products of my passions.

The thing is, it doesn’t really feel sustainable. My hope before I had to go back to creating content as my DayJob was that I could maybe grow my YouTube channel enough that I’d get a living wage from ad revenue on YouTube, and I could spend all day every day doing what I love without ruining it by attaching it to money. I haven’t uploaded a single video to YouTube in close to a year, and I still make about $300/mo from ad revenue. So if I put in another couple years, I really might be able to grow to a point that it could become a career.

But also, I don’t want YouTube to be my career… I would love for YouTube (or Patreon, or Twitch, or book sales) to provide me with a steady income that would allow me to separate the things I create from how I pay my mortgage. And if my YouTube channel grew enough that I could “create” full time, would I have the same unhealthy connection with YouTube training that I have with my DayJob now, and always feel guilty if I weren’t making more content for the thing that makes the money?

I think this is why creative folks usually do better when in a group. I don’t think my broken relationship with money is unique to me. (Well, maybe my specific brand of neuroticism is unique, but, “starving artist” is a trope for a reason)

I think the concept that Patreon was built from is fascinating. Traditionally, a patron would be a rich person who paid an artist to do art. I think my brain would require some sort of guaranteed contract in order to really go “all in” on being a creator. But I very often wonder what my life and my day to day activities would look like if I didn’t have to worry about making money. Would I be free to create content and joy? Or would I worry about something else and never really get to squeeze the juice out of life?

Lots of people want to win the lottery so they can retire and do nothing. I’d like to win a small lottery, like a few million dollars, and put the winnings into an index fund. Every month or year (I don’t know how such things work), I could take out a decent salary for myself, confident that salary would be self-sustaining so I could spend all day working. All. Day. Long.

Sometimes that work would be making training videos. Sometimes it would be doing IT work for local businesses in town. Sometimes it would be fishing while I think about stuff. Sometimes it would be writing a book.

And maybe those things would make a ton of money. But they wouldn’t have to. And I think I’d enjoy that work more than anything I’ve ever done. So if you know anyone with a few extra million dollars who wants to run a social experiment with a weird creative guy who has an unhealthy relationship with money, just let me know. 🙂

In Case My Face Gets Stuck in the Snow

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Or at least that’s what it sounded like to me when the orthodontist said I’d be getting “Power Chains” on my braces. It turns out they’re a bit less exciting than the name suggests. Power chains are just rubber bands that connect brackets together and speed up movement. So yeah, far less exciting.

Today I got my braces adjusted. Traditionally they refer to it as “tightening”, but I don’t think that’s really what happens. This time the orthodontist got a bit aggressive, at least in my opinion. Today’s festivities included:

  • Using a handheld power sander, the doc sanded between my 4 front teeth. Basically he made my teeth smaller and smoother so they would move easier and faster. The disturbing part was that he had to change “sandpaper” halfway through because the first piece got clogged. WITH MY TOOTH ENAMEL.
  • The wire which is the “tightening” part of the process was replaced with “the big wire” — I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I do know the wire crammed into my brackets was much bigger than the last few. I’m pretty sure that means it will hurt more.
  • Thanks to one of my molars being a crown, I only have an “anchor” on one side of my mouth. On the side with no anchor, they used an even larger wire to sorta brace my rearmost bracketed tooth against the tooth next to it. This was because the force of “the big wire” along with the power chain has the potential to make my molar twist…
  • And then of course the power chain. That’s the green thing in the photo above. (No, that isn’t spinach, sheesh…) Normally each bracket has its own tiny little rubber band holding the wire in place. The power band accomplishes the same thing, but also aggressively pulls the teeth toward each other I guess? Honestly that part is a bit confusing for me.
  • Did I mention he SANDED MY TEETH?!? That’s messed up.

Anyway, my mouth is a little sore. I expect tomorrow, and the next few days, my teeth will all hurt. That’s pretty normal. But for some reason the bulk of “the big wire” along with the power chain has changed the way my braces fit (or don’t fit) inside my lips. I’ve had my braces catch my lip several times today, making me feel a bit like a largemouth bass getting hooked in the lip.

I don’t think it’s going to be fun to pick wax out of this new monstrosity in my mouth. But as we learned earlier this week, my brace-wearing experience is very wax forward.

Wax on. Wax off. Also, I’m not sure how to get a bandaid to stick to a bloody lip. Sigh.

HE SANDED DOWN MY TEETH, Y’ALL

3D Printer Fun

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I’ve wanted a 3D printer for well over a decade. I never really had a reason to get one though, and, “because it seems fun” just didn’t seem like a worthy rationale. But then Donna needed tiny skulls for a display at work. And I FINALLY had a reason!!!

A few months ago I ordered the Bambu Carbon X1. I have to admit, I’ve printed far more things than I expected. Almost all of them have been toys. It turns out, having a granddaughter is an even better reason to get a 3D printer!

I was blocking the television. Emmy was not impressed.

Recently I’ve been printing these nifty little cars. Each color piece prints separately, and then are easily assembled with superglue. My granddaughter loves cars, and these have become her favorites. If you’re looking for a reason to buy a 3D printer, I highly recommend grandchildren. LOL!

Brace-y McBraceFace

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It’s been almost 4 months since I got braces. So far, it takes longer than almost 4 months for me to adjust to braces. I wish that weren’t the case. It’s not the case for most folks. But like all the other ways I’m a super special, unique little snowflake — this way is really dumb.

It’s not that my teeth hurt. That only happens the first few days after adjustments, and honestly the pain from that is mild at the worst. It’s not even braces cutting into my lips. I don’t have a problem with sharp wires poking my cheeks. Heck the few times a wire did get squirrelly, I went back to the orthodontist and they were able to clip/bend it immediately.

Nope, for me, the issue is my tongue. It just can’t seem to leave the sharp brackets alone. I can either consciously think about not fiddling with my braces all day long, or I can do things like “my job”, or “living life.” Ironically, the reason I GOT braces in the first place is because at night my tongue would play with my incorrectly healed tooth and flay itself open while I slept. Cutting itself and rubbing itself raw on the sharp braces during the day seems like a lateral move at best.

Garfield and I both appreciate a good grimace. Mine is waxier than his, however.

Thankfully, wax seems to help. Most folks put a bit of wax here or there to cover up sharp wires or to cover the brackets where they’ve cut into their lip or cheek. But not me. I use 2 full “bars” of wax and line the entirety of my bracketed mouth with a layer of smooth, wonderful wax. The only problem is that it’s not really possible to eat anything with wax covering all of your braces. It falls off, and you get a very waxy meal. So every time I need to eat, I peel off the wax. And then after I eat, I brush my teeth to clean the unbelievable amount of food out of my braces, and then “rewax” myself.

The orthodontist assured me applying wax doesn’t hurt anything. I don’t think he realizes just how much and how often I apply wax, but hey, it’s either that or pry the brackets off in a fit of rage some afternoon. Also, while the office does offer free wax to their clients, I can’t bring myself to fill my pockets with orthodontic wax every time I drive by. It would be like the naughty kids at the saddest halloween candy bowl ever.

Wax, wonderfully, is cheap. You can buy it at the local store, but it’s not super cheap there. Online however, it’s possible to get huge quantities for reasonable prices. And so I have more wax than any sane person should ever need. And I’ll likely have to buy more soon.

I just wish I had something clever to do with all those empty plastic containers that the wax comes in…

Just Some Books I Recently Read

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I listen to audiobooks whenever I’m doing something that doesn’t require inner monologue. It took me a while to realize why I could listen to audiobooks while doing some things but not others. And I think it’s inner monologue. If I’m doing dishes, mowing, driving, walking, fishing, cleaning… anything like that; I can listen to an audiobook. If I’m prepping for teaching, it requires me to think through things, and so I can’t listen to audiobooks. Anyway, there’s often several hours a day, especially in the evenings, where I can listen/read books. So I do. Here are some books I’ve recently read:

Riyria Revelations

This is a trilogy about 2 friends, who have mysterious pasts and are really good at surviving. They are thieves, but also the protagonists. If I had to compare them to something, it would be the two guys from The Road to El Dorado. They’re funny, and the 3 books are a complete story with a satisfying completion. I’m not normally surprised by book plots, and while I did figure out where the story was going — there was at least one pivotal aspect of the plot that was a total surprise to me. I highly recommend Riyria Revelations, but be sure to read all 3 books.

Starship Mage

This is a rather long series, and while there might still be more books featuring the main protagonist (Damian Montgomery), the bulk of his story has been written. PLUS, the first 5 books (as of the time of this writing) are free on Audible! You just need an account. I’ve read the 14 books in the series that are written to date, and didn’t regret reading any of them. It’s a cool mix of science fiction and magic. The premise sounded kinda cheesy to me at first, but somehow it just works. I know 14 books is quite a commitment, but they’re not terribly long, and are quick reads.

The first book was written in small pieces, or some sort of writing experiment. It’s called, The Starship Mage Omnibus — but it’s just a single book. Again, no regrets reading this series. It was fun, and reminded me (but was also very different) of the Miles Vorkosigan books.

Alien Clay & Service Model

These are two standalone novels by Adrian Tchaikovsky. His insight into alien minds is always fascinating, and these are two very different examples of his prowess. He’s an author who has really come into his own, and I always love his books. Series like Children of Time and The Final Architecture are both profound world building masteries, each drastically different and yet equally as interesting. The two standalone novels create unique universes too, each story being complete and not “leaving the door open” for sequels, or at least not baiting the hook with a cliffhanger.

Seriously any of the books mentioned are a great place to start. If you’re a science fiction fan who has a penchant for alien minds, you’ll love Adrian’s work. I sure do.

Dungeon Crawler Carl

This is just a fun series. I guess these LitRPG-based storylines are a “thing” — but I’ve never heard of them before. DCC was recently purchased by a publisher, and so the first 6 books are being republished, even though they’re not really new. The audiobooks are done really well, and while I can’t wait for book 7 to come out, book 6 didn’t end with an anger-inducing cliffhanger.

Convergence Series

Craig Alanson’s writing combined with R. C. Bray’s narrating is a combo that just works. I’m a HUGE fan of the ExForce series featuring that combo, but Craig’s newest series, “Convergence” is just as good while being very different. While ExForce has an alien AI beer can as a fun character, Convergence has a wonderful talking dog. This series is currently underway, and feels like there are quite a few more books to go, but the first 4 books are complete and worth binging now.

What About You?

Have you read any books or series of books that struck your fancy? Let me know! I’m always looking for new books, especially if they are available as audiobooks with good narration. (And yes, there are TONS of other books I’ve read over the past year or so. If you want to more more, let me know!)

Not Just Fishing, a Fishing TRIP!

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I mean, it was only a 40 minute drive, but still, today my son in law Niel took me on a fishing trip. He and Lydia got me a pair of waders for my birthday, and since the ladies were having a baby shower for my eldest daughter, it seemed a perfect day to wade up the river and hopefully catch some fish.

I did learn a few things. One, fancy fishing waders have “socks” built into the bottom of the legs, not actual boots. Most people then have “wading boots” which are pretty heavy duty boots which go on like regular boots, but over top of the “socks” at the end of the wader legs.

I do not have wading boots.

Thankfully, I did find a pair of water shoes. The water shoes were sized to fit my bare feet, so they were REALLY tight over the neoprene wader sock-things, but I managed to get them on, and they worked fairly well. (sorta — more on that in a bit) Anyway, once the foot situation was handled, we crashed through the woods and got to the river.

The river was narrow, fast, and a bit treacherous. Still, within the first 5 minutes, I caught a little brook trout. It wasn’t a showstopper, and my phone decided not to save the photo. Still, catching something so early in the adventure was encouraging. (NOTE: We caught nothing else all day, lol)

While we had a ton of fun, the river turned out to be really quite challenging. There were a LOT of downed trees and branches, making fishing tough. But more than that, the river bottom had inexplicable mucky spots. The weird part was that it was often impossible to tell where the bottom would “fall out” from beneath you. It wasn’t possible to tell the difference between the firm sandy bottom and the deep muck with a dusting of sand over the top.

There were sections that were so mucky, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out! Oh, and remember the water shoes I mentioned earlier? Yeah… they wanted to stay in the muck really really bad! I did not lose the shoes, but it was a close call a few times.

Once it was time to head back, we crashed back through the woods, and walked along the road back to the truck. No, we didn’t catch any more fish after that initial little brookie, but it was a VERY fun day! The waders worked perfectly well, the company on the river was amazing, and we didn’t get skunked! Plus I got to spend a day with my son in law, which would have been worth it even if there wasn’t fishing at all. Thanks for a great day, Niel!

On Stealing Happiness

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I’m currently reading an incredible book by Stephanie Harrison called, “New Happy.” Its findings on what makes us truly happy are similar to a few other recent books I’ve read on happiness. Basically, one of the only ways we become happy is to help other people. Again, while this is a “new” way of looking at happiness science, it’s not the first time I’ve read about the phenomenon. Stephanie pointed out something that really struck me though…

Yes, helping others makes us happy. But when we don’t let others help us, we’re preventing a path of happiness for them. And I’ll be honest, that really stung. All the things I do trying to be kind, helpful, funny, entertaining… they do in turn make me happy. But when I insist I’m not worthy of help, kindness, gifts, etc., I’m not just depriving myself of that connection; I’m also depriving others of the happiness they might get from helping me.

See, if I accept assistance from someone, it feels like I’m being selfish, self-centered, and that I’m elevating my worth above their own. With my messed up self image, I can’t fathom being worthy, much less deserving, of something someone else would do or give to me. Yes, I realize that’s not a healthy attitude about myself, but even more disturbing (for me anyway) is that by having that attitude, I’m preventing people I care about from getting the joy which comes from helping others.

That’s kinda messed up. But if that “help” someone is giving comes in the form of money? It’s somehow SO much more difficult for me to accept. Take Patreon for instance. It took MONTHS, possibly over a year of multiple friends encouraging me to start a Patreon account before I could bring myself to do so. And then when a life change stopped me from producing as much content as I thought made people’s support at least someone compensated, I turned off billing.

The notion that someone might WANT to give me financial support, and that the very act would give THEM joy is just so hard for me to fathom. But honestly, when I look at times in my life when I’ve given to others, it’s those situations where the giving was truly freely given that gave me the most fulfillment. Making someone’s support transactional cheapens the gift. And for my attitude about receiving help, especially financial support, I apologize.

When I create things, be they blog posts, videos, cartoons, cat photos, books, or dad jokes, I will strive to create them to provide value and help others. Maybe some of those things are sold, and maybe they’re given away freely. But the reason I create them won’t be to deserve compensation. And when people give me something of value, whether it’s financial support, kind words, wisdom, insight, or gifts — I’ll do my best to accept it with gratitude, and not cheapen the kindness with refusal or by trying to “pay for” the help.

Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for being patient. I’m a work in progress, and if you’re reading this, you’re helping me become the person I want to be. Even if it’s really, super, extra-pokey slow. 🙂

I Have One Shirt

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This is the shirt, in blue. 🙂

That’s not really true. I have somewhere around 16 shirts. They’re just all exactly the same brand, size, style, and material. I have the same shirt in multiple colors. But they all feel the same. They are a tri-blend fabric, no tags, and extremely soft.

I wear the same thing every day. Since the shirts are different colors, it doesn’t seem like it. I think.

I also usually wear the same type of blue jeans, but I haven’t found my favorite yet, so I have a couple with which I go back and forth.

Someday I might switch to a single color shirt, and a single style pants. One less thing to think about is really, really nice.

That’s all I’ve got today. 🙂

Why Some Things Stick

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It annoys me how prevalent ADHD is in every aspect of my psyche. Really. I’d like to have some qualities and faults which don’t fall directly in line with how ADHD brains work. I used to think I was a special, albeit broken, snowflake. (Not in the political sense, I just mean in the special and unique sense) But nope, even thinking you’re different than everyone else is a symptom of ADHD. If I think about the things that make me uniquely me, it’s ADHD every single time. It seems like the only uncommon thing about me is that ADHD medicine doesn’t work super well to relieve my symptoms. But everything else?

Procrastination: ADHD
Self loathing: ADHD
Unreliable: ADHD
SUPER reliable in an emergency: ADHD
Above average pattern recognition: ADHD
Superb problem-solving skills: ADHD
Self-deprecating humor: ADHD
Moody: ADHD
Hyperfocus: ADHD
Outside the box thinking: ADHD
Extreme good looks: ADHD
Sarcasm about physical appearance: ADHD

OK, the last couple were jokes. But even that, being funny — a pretty common ADHDer trait. One of the biggest trends with folks who have ADHD is that they only stick with a subject while it’s interesting. Once it gets boring, they can’t (like, actually can’t) focus on it. This is why most folks with ADHD will burn through hobbies and jobs like crazy. I’m no exception here either. But there are a few long-standing passions in my life, and I’ve been trying to figure out why they exist.

Off the top of my head, there are things like Linux, bird feeders/cameras, technology in general, writing, and my wife/family. I know, family doesn’t seem like it qualifies as a “hobby”, but folks with ADHD often have real struggles with romantic relationships. They fall deeply in love (extreme emotions: Another ADHD thing), but once the novelty of the relationship wears off, they lose interest. That hasn’t happened to me. Plus the other things listed have been a sort of staple in my life while so many other hobbies and interests have come and gone. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.

Perhaps it’s because those things are all fairly dynamic and ever changing. Linux is really just a vehicle for all the various software-related hobbies I’ve had over the years. I’ve upgraded and changed the bird feeder cameras dozens of times over the years. Technology is constantly changing. And writing is different every time. Family though? Relationships aren’t easy by any means, but they’re not exactly brand new every day. That “success” doesn’t really fit the same mold as the others.

Maybe it’s not the constant change at all. Maybe it’s the challenge. Relationships are certainly challenging. Attracting birds and getting good video of them is difficult. Writing well is hard. But Linux and technology? I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but no, they’re not difficult or challenging anymore. Yet I still remain interested.

I’d like to have a great answer to finish off this post. Some kernel of wisdom, which peels back the mysteries of the universe just a bit. Heck, even a hint so I might leverage some sort of brain hack to stay excited about the things I SHOULD be focusing on. But no. I have no idea.

I’ve lost interest in this blog post. See you later.

(hehehehe, ok, that was just my attempt at a clever closing)

A Simple Walk

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On Star Wars Day (May the 4th… lol) of 2023, my wife Donna had the first of 3 surgeries on her heels. Donna has a genetic defect called, “Haglund’s Deformity”, which is sorta like bone spurs that were exposed to gamma rays and became Incredible Hulk level angry.

The left is a normal heel bone. Donna’s is on the right. She calls it her dinosaur bone.

While sometimes physical therapy can alleviate the pain caused by the issue, Donna had gone decades without a diagnosis, and the orthopedic surgeon who finally did recognize why she was in constant pain said hers was the worst case he’d ever seen. And both of her heel bones being identically that severe was an indication it was not a growth, but rather a lifelong deformity. Unfortunately, when the spur is so pronounced, it causes severe damage to the achilles tendon along with the chronic, often unbearable pain. But I digress. After years of pain and frustration, a specialist not only diagnosed her, but happened to be incredibly skilled at the procedure for repairing the deformity. And the procedure is a doozy.

Basically, the surgeon detaches the achilles tendon from the base of the heel, and then saws off the back of the heel bone where the spur is located. Then the damaged tendon is cleaned and abraded in order to encourage healing, and reattached to the reformed heel bone using an elaborate procedure that basically screws the tendon into the base of the heel bone again. As is easy to imagine, this is an extremely invasive and extensive procedure with requires 6 months to a year of rehabilitation. It starts with 2-3 months of absolutely zero weight bearing.

And she needed both heels done, back to back.

The bottom is Donna’s heel pre-surgery. On the top is the same foot, with the deformity cut off.

The first surgery went as planned, and it took a little over 6 months for the heel to heal (hehehe) enough that it could bear the weight of walking. Then the second surgery could (and did) happen, starting the entire rehabilitation process over. Unfortunately, while the second surgery seemed to go identically to the first, during the physical therapy portion of the second heel recovery, her tendon proved to be irrevocably damaged from the lifetime of abuse. Rather than healing, the achilles in her second heel ruptured. Like, literally ruptured through the back of her heel. (I’m not kidding, it was the most blood I’ve ever seen in my life, it was like a poorly produced horror film)

And so when we thought her almost year long debacle was coming to an end, she had to have an emergency 3rd surgery. The surgeon harvested a tendon from her big toe, and used it to rebuilt the achilles on her left heel. This surgery was also a success, but the trauma the heel had been through meant an even longer and slower recovery process. And if the toe-tendon didn’t “take” — it likely would mean a permanent disability that wouldn’t be repairable.

That was February. Today, Donna had her final followup appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, and got a clean bill of health. Both heels have healed. The achilles tendon on her first heel seems to be in good shape, and the toe-tendon did in fact grow in place properly to recreate a working achilles tendon on the ruptured side. Donna is done with physical therapy, and after a full day of work, her heels don’t hurt. Truthfully, her recovery felt like it might never be complete. But thanks to an incredible surgeon, and well over a year of recovery and intense, painful physical therapy — the nightmare appears to be over. There is still some strengthening to do, and flexibility will require constant attention. But she made it. We made it.

And today, for the first time in years, Donna and I went for a walk along the waterfront. We held hands, and we talked, and it was the best.

This is my favorite human. She’s the best.