In Case My Face Gets Stuck in the Snow

Or at least that’s what it sounded like to me when the orthodontist said I’d be getting “Power Chains” on my braces. It turns out they’re a bit less exciting than the name suggests. Power chains are just rubber bands that connect brackets together and speed up movement. So yeah, far less exciting.

Today I got my braces adjusted. Traditionally they refer to it as “tightening”, but I don’t think that’s really what happens. This time the orthodontist got a bit aggressive, at least in my opinion. Today’s festivities included:

  • Using a handheld power sander, the doc sanded between my 4 front teeth. Basically he made my teeth smaller and smoother so they would move easier and faster. The disturbing part was that he had to change “sandpaper” halfway through because the first piece got clogged. WITH MY TOOTH ENAMEL.
  • The wire which is the “tightening” part of the process was replaced with “the big wire” — I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I do know the wire crammed into my brackets was much bigger than the last few. I’m pretty sure that means it will hurt more.
  • Thanks to one of my molars being a crown, I only have an “anchor” on one side of my mouth. On the side with no anchor, they used an even larger wire to sorta brace my rearmost bracketed tooth against the tooth next to it. This was because the force of “the big wire” along with the power chain has the potential to make my molar twist…
  • And then of course the power chain. That’s the green thing in the photo above. (No, that isn’t spinach, sheesh…) Normally each bracket has its own tiny little rubber band holding the wire in place. The power band accomplishes the same thing, but also aggressively pulls the teeth toward each other I guess? Honestly that part is a bit confusing for me.
  • Did I mention he SANDED MY TEETH?!? That’s messed up.

Anyway, my mouth is a little sore. I expect tomorrow, and the next few days, my teeth will all hurt. That’s pretty normal. But for some reason the bulk of “the big wire” along with the power chain has changed the way my braces fit (or don’t fit) inside my lips. I’ve had my braces catch my lip several times today, making me feel a bit like a largemouth bass getting hooked in the lip.

I don’t think it’s going to be fun to pick wax out of this new monstrosity in my mouth. But as we learned earlier this week, my brace-wearing experience is very wax forward.

Wax on. Wax off. Also, I’m not sure how to get a bandaid to stick to a bloody lip. Sigh.

HE SANDED DOWN MY TEETH, Y’ALL

3D Printer Fun

I’ve wanted a 3D printer for well over a decade. I never really had a reason to get one though, and, “because it seems fun” just didn’t seem like a worthy rationale. But then Donna needed tiny skulls for a display at work. And I FINALLY had a reason!!!

A few months ago I ordered the Bambu Carbon X1. I have to admit, I’ve printed far more things than I expected. Almost all of them have been toys. It turns out, having a granddaughter is an even better reason to get a 3D printer!

I was blocking the television. Emmy was not impressed.

Recently I’ve been printing these nifty little cars. Each color piece prints separately, and then are easily assembled with superglue. My granddaughter loves cars, and these have become her favorites. If you’re looking for a reason to buy a 3D printer, I highly recommend grandchildren. LOL!

Brace-y McBraceFace

It’s been almost 4 months since I got braces. So far, it takes longer than almost 4 months for me to adjust to braces. I wish that weren’t the case. It’s not the case for most folks. But like all the other ways I’m a super special, unique little snowflake — this way is really dumb.

It’s not that my teeth hurt. That only happens the first few days after adjustments, and honestly the pain from that is mild at the worst. It’s not even braces cutting into my lips. I don’t have a problem with sharp wires poking my cheeks. Heck the few times a wire did get squirrelly, I went back to the orthodontist and they were able to clip/bend it immediately.

Nope, for me, the issue is my tongue. It just can’t seem to leave the sharp brackets alone. I can either consciously think about not fiddling with my braces all day long, or I can do things like “my job”, or “living life.” Ironically, the reason I GOT braces in the first place is because at night my tongue would play with my incorrectly healed tooth and flay itself open while I slept. Cutting itself and rubbing itself raw on the sharp braces during the day seems like a lateral move at best.

Garfield and I both appreciate a good grimace. Mine is waxier than his, however.

Thankfully, wax seems to help. Most folks put a bit of wax here or there to cover up sharp wires or to cover the brackets where they’ve cut into their lip or cheek. But not me. I use 2 full “bars” of wax and line the entirety of my bracketed mouth with a layer of smooth, wonderful wax. The only problem is that it’s not really possible to eat anything with wax covering all of your braces. It falls off, and you get a very waxy meal. So every time I need to eat, I peel off the wax. And then after I eat, I brush my teeth to clean the unbelievable amount of food out of my braces, and then “rewax” myself.

The orthodontist assured me applying wax doesn’t hurt anything. I don’t think he realizes just how much and how often I apply wax, but hey, it’s either that or pry the brackets off in a fit of rage some afternoon. Also, while the office does offer free wax to their clients, I can’t bring myself to fill my pockets with orthodontic wax every time I drive by. It would be like the naughty kids at the saddest halloween candy bowl ever.

Wax, wonderfully, is cheap. You can buy it at the local store, but it’s not super cheap there. Online however, it’s possible to get huge quantities for reasonable prices. And so I have more wax than any sane person should ever need. And I’ll likely have to buy more soon.

I just wish I had something clever to do with all those empty plastic containers that the wax comes in…

Just Some Books I Recently Read

I listen to audiobooks whenever I’m doing something that doesn’t require inner monologue. It took me a while to realize why I could listen to audiobooks while doing some things but not others. And I think it’s inner monologue. If I’m doing dishes, mowing, driving, walking, fishing, cleaning… anything like that; I can listen to an audiobook. If I’m prepping for teaching, it requires me to think through things, and so I can’t listen to audiobooks. Anyway, there’s often several hours a day, especially in the evenings, where I can listen/read books. So I do. Here are some books I’ve recently read:

Riyria Revelations

This is a trilogy about 2 friends, who have mysterious pasts and are really good at surviving. They are thieves, but also the protagonists. If I had to compare them to something, it would be the two guys from The Road to El Dorado. They’re funny, and the 3 books are a complete story with a satisfying completion. I’m not normally surprised by book plots, and while I did figure out where the story was going — there was at least one pivotal aspect of the plot that was a total surprise to me. I highly recommend Riyria Revelations, but be sure to read all 3 books.

Starship Mage

This is a rather long series, and while there might still be more books featuring the main protagonist (Damian Montgomery), the bulk of his story has been written. PLUS, the first 5 books (as of the time of this writing) are free on Audible! You just need an account. I’ve read the 14 books in the series that are written to date, and didn’t regret reading any of them. It’s a cool mix of science fiction and magic. The premise sounded kinda cheesy to me at first, but somehow it just works. I know 14 books is quite a commitment, but they’re not terribly long, and are quick reads.

The first book was written in small pieces, or some sort of writing experiment. It’s called, The Starship Mage Omnibus — but it’s just a single book. Again, no regrets reading this series. It was fun, and reminded me (but was also very different) of the Miles Vorkosigan books.

Alien Clay & Service Model

These are two standalone novels by Adrian Tchaikovsky. His insight into alien minds is always fascinating, and these are two very different examples of his prowess. He’s an author who has really come into his own, and I always love his books. Series like Children of Time and The Final Architecture are both profound world building masteries, each drastically different and yet equally as interesting. The two standalone novels create unique universes too, each story being complete and not “leaving the door open” for sequels, or at least not baiting the hook with a cliffhanger.

Seriously any of the books mentioned are a great place to start. If you’re a science fiction fan who has a penchant for alien minds, you’ll love Adrian’s work. I sure do.

Dungeon Crawler Carl

This is just a fun series. I guess these LitRPG-based storylines are a “thing” — but I’ve never heard of them before. DCC was recently purchased by a publisher, and so the first 6 books are being republished, even though they’re not really new. The audiobooks are done really well, and while I can’t wait for book 7 to come out, book 6 didn’t end with an anger-inducing cliffhanger.

Convergence Series

Craig Alanson’s writing combined with R. C. Bray’s narrating is a combo that just works. I’m a HUGE fan of the ExForce series featuring that combo, but Craig’s newest series, “Convergence” is just as good while being very different. While ExForce has an alien AI beer can as a fun character, Convergence has a wonderful talking dog. This series is currently underway, and feels like there are quite a few more books to go, but the first 4 books are complete and worth binging now.

What About You?

Have you read any books or series of books that struck your fancy? Let me know! I’m always looking for new books, especially if they are available as audiobooks with good narration. (And yes, there are TONS of other books I’ve read over the past year or so. If you want to more more, let me know!)

Not Just Fishing, a Fishing TRIP!

I mean, it was only a 40 minute drive, but still, today my son in law Niel took me on a fishing trip. He and Lydia got me a pair of waders for my birthday, and since the ladies were having a baby shower for my eldest daughter, it seemed a perfect day to wade up the river and hopefully catch some fish.

I did learn a few things. One, fancy fishing waders have “socks” built into the bottom of the legs, not actual boots. Most people then have “wading boots” which are pretty heavy duty boots which go on like regular boots, but over top of the “socks” at the end of the wader legs.

I do not have wading boots.

Thankfully, I did find a pair of water shoes. The water shoes were sized to fit my bare feet, so they were REALLY tight over the neoprene wader sock-things, but I managed to get them on, and they worked fairly well. (sorta — more on that in a bit) Anyway, once the foot situation was handled, we crashed through the woods and got to the river.

The river was narrow, fast, and a bit treacherous. Still, within the first 5 minutes, I caught a little brook trout. It wasn’t a showstopper, and my phone decided not to save the photo. Still, catching something so early in the adventure was encouraging. (NOTE: We caught nothing else all day, lol)

While we had a ton of fun, the river turned out to be really quite challenging. There were a LOT of downed trees and branches, making fishing tough. But more than that, the river bottom had inexplicable mucky spots. The weird part was that it was often impossible to tell where the bottom would “fall out” from beneath you. It wasn’t possible to tell the difference between the firm sandy bottom and the deep muck with a dusting of sand over the top.

There were sections that were so mucky, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out! Oh, and remember the water shoes I mentioned earlier? Yeah… they wanted to stay in the muck really really bad! I did not lose the shoes, but it was a close call a few times.

Once it was time to head back, we crashed back through the woods, and walked along the road back to the truck. No, we didn’t catch any more fish after that initial little brookie, but it was a VERY fun day! The waders worked perfectly well, the company on the river was amazing, and we didn’t get skunked! Plus I got to spend a day with my son in law, which would have been worth it even if there wasn’t fishing at all. Thanks for a great day, Niel!

On Stealing Happiness

I’m currently reading an incredible book by Stephanie Harrison called, “New Happy.” Its findings on what makes us truly happy are similar to a few other recent books I’ve read on happiness. Basically, one of the only ways we become happy is to help other people. Again, while this is a “new” way of looking at happiness science, it’s not the first time I’ve read about the phenomenon. Stephanie pointed out something that really struck me though…

Yes, helping others makes us happy. But when we don’t let others help us, we’re preventing a path of happiness for them. And I’ll be honest, that really stung. All the things I do trying to be kind, helpful, funny, entertaining… they do in turn make me happy. But when I insist I’m not worthy of help, kindness, gifts, etc., I’m not just depriving myself of that connection; I’m also depriving others of the happiness they might get from helping me.

See, if I accept assistance from someone, it feels like I’m being selfish, self-centered, and that I’m elevating my worth above their own. With my messed up self image, I can’t fathom being worthy, much less deserving, of something someone else would do or give to me. Yes, I realize that’s not a healthy attitude about myself, but even more disturbing (for me anyway) is that by having that attitude, I’m preventing people I care about from getting the joy which comes from helping others.

That’s kinda messed up. But if that “help” someone is giving comes in the form of money? It’s somehow SO much more difficult for me to accept. Take Patreon for instance. It took MONTHS, possibly over a year of multiple friends encouraging me to start a Patreon account before I could bring myself to do so. And then when a life change stopped me from producing as much content as I thought made people’s support at least someone compensated, I turned off billing.

The notion that someone might WANT to give me financial support, and that the very act would give THEM joy is just so hard for me to fathom. But honestly, when I look at times in my life when I’ve given to others, it’s those situations where the giving was truly freely given that gave me the most fulfillment. Making someone’s support transactional cheapens the gift. And for my attitude about receiving help, especially financial support, I apologize.

When I create things, be they blog posts, videos, cartoons, cat photos, books, or dad jokes, I will strive to create them to provide value and help others. Maybe some of those things are sold, and maybe they’re given away freely. But the reason I create them won’t be to deserve compensation. And when people give me something of value, whether it’s financial support, kind words, wisdom, insight, or gifts — I’ll do my best to accept it with gratitude, and not cheapen the kindness with refusal or by trying to “pay for” the help.

Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for being patient. I’m a work in progress, and if you’re reading this, you’re helping me become the person I want to be. Even if it’s really, super, extra-pokey slow. 🙂

I Have One Shirt

This is the shirt, in blue. 🙂

That’s not really true. I have somewhere around 16 shirts. They’re just all exactly the same brand, size, style, and material. I have the same shirt in multiple colors. But they all feel the same. They are a tri-blend fabric, no tags, and extremely soft.

I wear the same thing every day. Since the shirts are different colors, it doesn’t seem like it. I think.

I also usually wear the same type of blue jeans, but I haven’t found my favorite yet, so I have a couple with which I go back and forth.

Someday I might switch to a single color shirt, and a single style pants. One less thing to think about is really, really nice.

That’s all I’ve got today. 🙂

Why Some Things Stick

It annoys me how prevalent ADHD is in every aspect of my psyche. Really. I’d like to have some qualities and faults which don’t fall directly in line with how ADHD brains work. I used to think I was a special, albeit broken, snowflake. (Not in the political sense, I just mean in the special and unique sense) But nope, even thinking you’re different than everyone else is a symptom of ADHD. If I think about the things that make me uniquely me, it’s ADHD every single time. It seems like the only uncommon thing about me is that ADHD medicine doesn’t work super well to relieve my symptoms. But everything else?

Procrastination: ADHD
Self loathing: ADHD
Unreliable: ADHD
SUPER reliable in an emergency: ADHD
Above average pattern recognition: ADHD
Superb problem-solving skills: ADHD
Self-deprecating humor: ADHD
Moody: ADHD
Hyperfocus: ADHD
Outside the box thinking: ADHD
Extreme good looks: ADHD
Sarcasm about physical appearance: ADHD

OK, the last couple were jokes. But even that, being funny — a pretty common ADHDer trait. One of the biggest trends with folks who have ADHD is that they only stick with a subject while it’s interesting. Once it gets boring, they can’t (like, actually can’t) focus on it. This is why most folks with ADHD will burn through hobbies and jobs like crazy. I’m no exception here either. But there are a few long-standing passions in my life, and I’ve been trying to figure out why they exist.

Off the top of my head, there are things like Linux, bird feeders/cameras, technology in general, writing, and my wife/family. I know, family doesn’t seem like it qualifies as a “hobby”, but folks with ADHD often have real struggles with romantic relationships. They fall deeply in love (extreme emotions: Another ADHD thing), but once the novelty of the relationship wears off, they lose interest. That hasn’t happened to me. Plus the other things listed have been a sort of staple in my life while so many other hobbies and interests have come and gone. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.

Perhaps it’s because those things are all fairly dynamic and ever changing. Linux is really just a vehicle for all the various software-related hobbies I’ve had over the years. I’ve upgraded and changed the bird feeder cameras dozens of times over the years. Technology is constantly changing. And writing is different every time. Family though? Relationships aren’t easy by any means, but they’re not exactly brand new every day. That “success” doesn’t really fit the same mold as the others.

Maybe it’s not the constant change at all. Maybe it’s the challenge. Relationships are certainly challenging. Attracting birds and getting good video of them is difficult. Writing well is hard. But Linux and technology? I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but no, they’re not difficult or challenging anymore. Yet I still remain interested.

I’d like to have a great answer to finish off this post. Some kernel of wisdom, which peels back the mysteries of the universe just a bit. Heck, even a hint so I might leverage some sort of brain hack to stay excited about the things I SHOULD be focusing on. But no. I have no idea.

I’ve lost interest in this blog post. See you later.

(hehehehe, ok, that was just my attempt at a clever closing)

A Simple Walk

On Star Wars Day (May the 4th… lol) of 2023, my wife Donna had the first of 3 surgeries on her heels. Donna has a genetic defect called, “Haglund’s Deformity”, which is sorta like bone spurs that were exposed to gamma rays and became Incredible Hulk level angry.

The left is a normal heel bone. Donna’s is on the right. She calls it her dinosaur bone.

While sometimes physical therapy can alleviate the pain caused by the issue, Donna had gone decades without a diagnosis, and the orthopedic surgeon who finally did recognize why she was in constant pain said hers was the worst case he’d ever seen. And both of her heel bones being identically that severe was an indication it was not a growth, but rather a lifelong deformity. Unfortunately, when the spur is so pronounced, it causes severe damage to the achilles tendon along with the chronic, often unbearable pain. But I digress. After years of pain and frustration, a specialist not only diagnosed her, but happened to be incredibly skilled at the procedure for repairing the deformity. And the procedure is a doozy.

Basically, the surgeon detaches the achilles tendon from the base of the heel, and then saws off the back of the heel bone where the spur is located. Then the damaged tendon is cleaned and abraded in order to encourage healing, and reattached to the reformed heel bone using an elaborate procedure that basically screws the tendon into the base of the heel bone again. As is easy to imagine, this is an extremely invasive and extensive procedure with requires 6 months to a year of rehabilitation. It starts with 2-3 months of absolutely zero weight bearing.

And she needed both heels done, back to back.

The bottom is Donna’s heel pre-surgery. On the top is the same foot, with the deformity cut off.

The first surgery went as planned, and it took a little over 6 months for the heel to heal (hehehe) enough that it could bear the weight of walking. Then the second surgery could (and did) happen, starting the entire rehabilitation process over. Unfortunately, while the second surgery seemed to go identically to the first, during the physical therapy portion of the second heel recovery, her tendon proved to be irrevocably damaged from the lifetime of abuse. Rather than healing, the achilles in her second heel ruptured. Like, literally ruptured through the back of her heel. (I’m not kidding, it was the most blood I’ve ever seen in my life, it was like a poorly produced horror film)

And so when we thought her almost year long debacle was coming to an end, she had to have an emergency 3rd surgery. The surgeon harvested a tendon from her big toe, and used it to rebuilt the achilles on her left heel. This surgery was also a success, but the trauma the heel had been through meant an even longer and slower recovery process. And if the toe-tendon didn’t “take” — it likely would mean a permanent disability that wouldn’t be repairable.

That was February. Today, Donna had her final followup appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, and got a clean bill of health. Both heels have healed. The achilles tendon on her first heel seems to be in good shape, and the toe-tendon did in fact grow in place properly to recreate a working achilles tendon on the ruptured side. Donna is done with physical therapy, and after a full day of work, her heels don’t hurt. Truthfully, her recovery felt like it might never be complete. But thanks to an incredible surgeon, and well over a year of recovery and intense, painful physical therapy — the nightmare appears to be over. There is still some strengthening to do, and flexibility will require constant attention. But she made it. We made it.

And today, for the first time in years, Donna and I went for a walk along the waterfront. We held hands, and we talked, and it was the best.

This is my favorite human. She’s the best.

The ADHD Podcast That Wasn’t

For a while, I was doing a podcast with a group of friends, where every week we’d take turns “deep diving” on a topic we found interesting. The Bench Ash Shirt podcast sorta died off as our lives got busy in different ways, but probably my favorite episode never happened. Or it did happen, but someone forgot to press record. And that someone was me. The episode being about ADHD, and the ADHD guy forgetting to press record was just so on the nose, it hurts.

Ahh, the Bench Ash Shirt podcast… I miss it…

ANYWAY, while I don’t have a recording of the episode, I do have my notes. I was talking to friend recently diagnosed with ADHD (hi Jake!), and on a whim looked for the notes I prepared for that particular deep dive. Usually my notes are terrible, with disjointed thoughts and single word triggers to remind me about a particular thing. For some reason, the notes I made for this episode are pretty elaborate. Even readable, for the most part. Anyway, I figured I’d share them here for anyone wanting to know more about ADHD, from someone who was diagnosed late in life.

SHAWN’S NOTES:

ADHD Podcast Deep Dive

First: ADD & ADHD

  • It’s all ADHD now, ADD is an old term for “non-attentive” version vs “hyperactive” version.
  • That’s a spectrum between the two though, and is largely just how a person’s personality responds to the underlying issues.
  • So ADD is an outdated term, but you still hear it a lot – and I don’t correct people unless they are snotty and all “AKCTUALLY I have ADD, not ADHD”

Brain Chemicals

  • Endorphins
    • Runner’s high
    • Allows us to push ourselves beyond normal limits
    • Released in response to pain
    • Why we enjoy laughing so hard it hurts our bellies
    • Dark Side: self-cutting releases endorphins
    • Labor pains release lots of endorphins, but also:
  • Oxytocin
    • It’s why love, friendship feels good
    • Behind the feelings of trust, security
    • This is why we are social creatures – the oxytocin is our reward for caring for and being cared about by others.
    • That feeling you get from a long hug (consentual) – that’s a release of oxytocin
    • Dark Side: staying in a bad relationship chasing the love and security, ie, oxytocin
  • Serotonin
    • Feeling of pride in what you do, what gives you a sense of being successful
    • Serotonin is released when a leader leads well
    • ALSO released when a follower impresses their leader. It’s why we strive to do well for others, regardless if we’re in a follower or leader role.
    • Self-worth is largely a serotonin-based metric
    • Dark Side: possibly narcissism (if you think you’re a great leader when you’re not really great) 
    • DEPRESSION is largely a lack of serotonin in the system, or the brain not regulating it correctly. No matter what the reality is, lack of serotonin leaves you feeling worthless with no way to make it better, because doing the “right stuff” doesn’t give you the proper feelings
      • SSRI – Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor. The brain vacuum that cleans up excess serotonin is possibly working overtime.
  • Dopamine
    • That quick hit of joy from checking off an item on a list
    • Very short lived. Serotonin drugs take weeks to start working, because that is a slow release slow cleanup system. Dopamine is a quick hit.
    • Dopamine is addictive. It’s what video games, social media, and cocaine manipulate
    • Without dopamine, we’d never reach our goals – it’s the reason we take the steps toward larger goals. Without dopamine, there is no motivation to DO anything.
    • It seems like the least important brain chemical, because it is manipulated for evil all the time, candy crush, etc.

But ADHD is a dopamine issue. And because it’s tied to dopamine, that is why people often think ADHD isn’t really a big thing, or that everyone is ADHD, or when they hear the symptoms of ADHD, they identify with them because they’ve experienced the same things due to technology, etc.

And while there is a serious conversation that can be had with regard to society manipulating dopamine, ADHD isn’t just someone who is more susceptible to dopamine manipulation – their actual dopamine system is broken from the word go:

  • That little “win” you receive from checking off an item on your to do list is a tiny hit of dopamine. ADHD brains either:
    • Don’t release that hit
    • Release far less of it
    • Clean up the dopamine before its effects are felt

Mind you, dopamine is how you know what to do. Your brain rewards you for doing things that are productive and work toward a larger goal. It’s the most basic of the chemicals we talked about.

  • Eating releases dopamine, this kept us alive
  • Sex releases dopamine, this kept us populated
  • EVERYTHING we do is dictated by our brains leading us around with dopamine carrots

So, without that regulation, the ADHD mind is constantly switching from thought to thought, trying to figure out what it’s supposed to do. This is not a conscious “figure out” – it just knows that dopamine means it’s doing good. So it’s easily distracted, every (literally every) think being a potential source of dopamine, and thus guidance.

The hyperactivity is often physical in children (moreso in boys, thanks to society expecting boys to be boys). And since that physical hyperactivity tends to fade during the transition into adulthood, for many years it was assumed ADHD was merely a childhood affliction. BUT, the hyperactivity doesn’t go away, it just internalizes into racing, unmanageable thoughts. (Still manifests physically some, leg-shakers, etc)

AND, because not all hyperactivity (seeking dopamine guidance) is physical in children, it often goes underdiagnosed. Especially in girls.

AND, if a child is intellectually gifted, they either:

  • Meet the standards for normal, so aren’t seen as needing diagnosis or treatment (although they’re likely performing WAY below where they could – these children are the ones who, “had such potential”)
  • Internalize their hyperactivity in the same way adults generally do (perhaps due to introversion, societal expectations, etc), and so their struggles aren’t suspected to be ADHD related because they’re not hyper.
  • Girls are often “dreamers” instead of seen as needing help.
  • Boys, well, boys end up never living up to expectations and dyeing their hair green, not to put too fine a point on it.

WHAT ABOUT STIMULANTS?!?

You’ll likely hear that stimulants do the opposite for ADHDers. And on the surface that seems to be true. But that’s not really what’s happening. Now that you have a pseudo-understanding of what’s going on in the ADHD brain, let’s talk about stimulants. (Which are THE most effective psychoactive treatment drugs for their use case across all of psychology. The degree to which they work is off the charts effective.)

  • Touched on it briefly but dopamine is released by the brain when we do something we’re supposed to do, it binds to neuroreceptors giving us the win, and is then reabsorbed. It’s very short lived, but that’s how the process basically goes.
  • ADHD brains do one of two things, and sometimes both:
    • release less (often MUCH less) dopamine when something is accomplished
    • clean up that dopamine quicker than a typical brain
  • There are (2) classes of stimulants used to treat ADHD. Amphetamines and Methylphenidate. (Adderall and Ritalin, respectively)
    • Adderall increases the amount of dopamine released
    • Ritalin slows down the reuptake of the dopamine
    • This is why some people respond better to one class of stimulants over the other. Some people have over active brain vacuums, some people have normal vacuums but don’t release the proper amount in the first place. Some have crappy boths.
  • SO, either way, the stimulants increase the amount of “tonic dopamine” in the brain. How much is sitting around to assure the brain that it’s doing the right thing. So the brain calms TF down, reducing hyperactivity both mentally and physically.
    • The reason stimulants aren’t a good idea for people with high blood pressure is because the two classes of stimulants also cause the brain to release more norepinephrine. It’s related to epinephrine (Adrenaline) but works more on keeping blood pressure up so the brain is flushed with blood during high stress. (This seems to be less of an issue with standard doses, but more on that later when we talk about abuse)
    • Here’s the rub though: It calms down the frantic dopamine seeking so an ADHDer can function. BUT increased tonic dopamine just means there’s less jumping from topic to topic (or chair to chair) – it doesn’t FIX how dopamine works to REGULATE daily activities. So medicine is invaluable and even vital for success, but it’s not enough. Once medicated properly, a person with ADHD has to learn to use tools like reminders, lists, schedules, etc., because while they’re not in panic mode – they still don’t get direction from their brains on what to do. A medicated ADHDer just has the ABILITY to use the sorts of tools that people thing is all they need to have in the first place.

CAFFEINE?

So… what about caffeine?

It does increase dopamine (and norepinepherine) in a roundabout way. It blocks the adenosine receptors, which has the effect of increasing dopamine in the brain. But it’s not terribly efficient at it. Still, many adults with undiagnosed ADHD (and at least one with a diagnosis) drink FAR more caffeine during the day than would be considered normal. Basically it’s self-medicating for ADHD using whatever is at hand. Thinking is slightly better when hopped up caffeine, and so we tend to over indulge.

Oddly, many folks with ADHD do not respond to the adenosine blocking, which is the mechanism caffeine uses to keep most people awake. Perhaps it’s because they’ve built up a tolerance, but there seems to be more to it than that, and it’s not that way for everyone with ADHD. It’s possible it’s something else, or some aspect that isn’t well understood.

I’m one of the ADHDers who doesn’t get “hyped up” from caffeine. When I first approached my doctor about getting tested for ADHD, he asked if a cup of coffee at night would keep me awake. I told him that I have such horrible insomnia, I don’t drink caffeine at night because I can’t fall asleep anyway. He said some people with ADHD seem to be “immune” from the sleepless effects of caffeine, and some folks tend to sleep better. That night I took a cup of caffeinated black tea to bed with me, and drank the whole thing right before shutting the lights off. And I slept better than I could ever remember. The only way I can explain it is the caffeine seems to help me “focus” on falling asleep instead of my brain going 100mph all night. It has changed my life.

WHY PEOPLE ABUSE ADDERALL

When a person who doesn’t have ADHD takes adderall, it does the same thing to their brains. It increases tonic dopamine levels. But their levels were already a normal level, so now the levels are abnormally high. So it feels REALLY good. They have a constant “YOU DID A GOOD THING” feeling because they’re brains are flooded with dopamine, PLUS when they actually do something good, their brain releases MORE.

The effect is that a person with a typical brain chemistry on Adderall gets “hyper” because everything they do is rewarded with OMG SO MUCH DOPAMINE that they want to keep doing all the things! And college kids can study for HOURS or DAYS, because even if they’re body/brain is exhausted, all it knows is THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING BECAUSE MY BRAIN SAYS SO!!!

They’re just high. And it feels GREAT. And the studying is often effective, even if there is a toll – they’re young so the toll is likely one they don’t notice. And because it feels good, they often take way more than what an ADHDer would take, so the blood pressure issues from the extra norepinephrine becomes a real concern. PLUS, all that extra dopamine might cause insensitivity in the neuroreceptors, which means more is required for the same high – and the physical addiction becomes real.

Someone with ADHD, taking the properly prescribed amount of a stimulant almost never get addicted, and while there are different titrations for each person, in general, once the proper dose is found, it works for decades without needing to increase it. Because again, it’s just bringing tonic dopamine levels up to normal amounts.

My point here is, people with ADHD don’t “get high” with a regular, prescribed dose of stimulants. They don’t have an advantage over neurotypical brains who don’t have stimulants. In fact, because their regulation system is still broken, they’re STILL at a disadvantage compared to un-medicated neurotypical students. Which is why accommodations are still appropriate. (There’s a whole other episode about what accommodations make sense for an ADHDer – the typical “more time on a test” is rarely helpful, unless they have secondary issues like dyslexia which would make more time helpful, but I digress)

SO ARE WE ALL A LITTLE ADHD?

There’s a worthwhile discussion to be had about whether technology is causing serious dopamine-related issues with us as a society. BUT, that would be different and/or in addition to ADHD, which is a deficiency in how the brain regulates dopamine.

And yes, I think it might be difficult to tell the difference without some testing designed specifically to look for ADHD in a dopamine driven world. And even with thoughtfully created testing, there still might be some confusion, especially when there is overlap between the two phenomena. But the tendency is to dismiss ADHD as not real because so many people have similar symptoms from dopamine addiction, especially when the people are the same person. (An ADHDer could get addicted to Candy Crush, even if the dopamine hit from making a match is significantly lower than a neurotypical brain)

WHAT ABOUT HYPERFOCUS?

Ha! If people with ADHD can’t focus, explain the “hyperfocus” thing.

  • Everyone has experienced being in the zone
  • For someone with ADHD, that sort of timelessness getting sucked into a project happens more frequently than with the standard population
  • Many see it as a superpower.

But again, what’s actually going on? The phenomenon happens to ADHDers who are medicated and those who are not. Arguably more with unmedicated people, but that sorta makes sense when you realize what’s going on.

Remember that the dopamine response system is b0rked. So the mechanism to regulate what you should be doing at any moment isn’t responsive, or isn’t responsive enough to keep you on a task. So instead of dopamine regulation, an ADHD brain will follow something it’s interested in, and have no safeguards in place to turn back. Interested in the lack of tectonic activity on Venus? Why not start reading about it, and watching youtube videos. As long as it’s interesting to you, nothing will take your mind off of the topic. You’ll forget to eat, sleep, pick up your kids from school, take a shower… Because all that “what you should do” stuff is broken.

Someone on medication is perhaps less likely to fall into one of these holes, because they can more easily choose to do something they know they should be doing. Their minds aren’t racing to find something new or novel that might give them a hit of dopamine, or might at least catch their non-dopamine-influenced interest. So a medicated person isn’t more immune to the hyperfocus sessions, they’re just perhaps less likely to fumble about until something grabs them.

And superpower? Meh. If we could choose what or when we hyperfocus, maybe. But I find my hyperfocus sessions are usually so very, very dumb.

LITANY OF ODDITIES

There are so many other weird things that are often associated with people who have ADHD. Many anecdotal, because it’s difficult to test when not everyone has the same things but off the top of my head:

  • Bad in relationships, often never building a deep relationship and once the newness wears off, look elsewhere for the thrill
    • not always
  • Often VERY generous. Dopamine broken, but oxytocin works fine. Empathy to a fault.
  • Forgetful
  • Often don’t pay attention
  • Itchy tags or uncomfortable clothes can consume attention
  • co-morbidities (mine is major depressive disorder), is it a cause? Just coincide?
  • VERY good in an emergency
    • thinking fast is normal, when there’s a clear, immediate task – ADHDers are BUILT for that
    • it’s crazy, i’ll go from spacey and distracted to 1000% problem-solving mode instantly. If there is a benefit to ADHD, this might be the only one that doesn’t have strings attached
  • Thrill seekers.
    • Nothing motivates us, so extreme sports/actions/danger are attractive because excitement provides some fulfillment.
    • I’m not allowed on 4-wheelers, snowmobiles, motorcycles, or sports cars – because I can’t not be stupid
  • Often drug abusers, for various reasons, various types of drugs – often also due to co-morbidities