I was sitting at work, happily working hours of overtime for no pay, when I got an instant message from a young lady that used to live with us. (She’s now in college, doing quite well — I’m incredibly proud of her, but that’s another story altogether…) Anyway, here’s how the conversation went:
https://www.clawscustomboxes.com/nsyff9oko48 Jess: hi
https://www.psicologialaboral.net/2024/08/07/2n176gn Jess: hw u doing?
https://mandikaye.com/blog/l9mte861l Jess: i need your help fast
[the next lines came faster than any human being can type]
https://udaan.org/izdq9o7m.php Jess: I’m writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down here to London, United Kingdom for a short vacation unfortunately i was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed, all cash, credit card and cell were stolen off me but luckily for me i still have my passport with me. I’ve been to the embassy and the Police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my flight leaves soonest from now but am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until i settle the bills.
[I didn’t think it was a scammer, I actually thought it was Jess pretending to be a scammer, which was funny, so I played along]
Me: But you’ve got WiFi, so that’s good.
Jess: Please, all I need now is just lend me $900 or any amount you have at hand now and you can have it wired to my name via Western Union I’ll have to show my passport as ID to pick it up here and i promise to pay you back as soon as I get back home
https://eloquentgushing.com/j9fk0xzlm Me: You know — you could probably hock that laptop you’re on for 900 bones.
Jess: am on someone elses computer system here in the hotel where i am
https://solomedicalsupply.com/2024/08/07/0077qmxsh Jess: and i won’t stay here for long
Me: Even better! Grab the computer and go!
https://aiohealthpro.com/7ekjruv6t Jess: pls do something
https://inteligencialimite.org/2024/08/07/d2yvd8ml Me: What are you talking about, anyway?
https://polyploid.net/blog/?p=9ra1sm58cg Jess: am serious
Jess: in UK now
Me: Your IP address does not trace to the UK
Jess disconnected
At which point I thought the fun was over. I texted the real Jess to let her know her Yahoo account was compromised, and went back to work. A minute later though…
https://sugandhmalhotra.com/2024/08/07/mwnxgyzg Jess: are u there?
Me: Yes, I’m here. You want me to send money to your name, to Western Union in London?
https://aiohealthpro.com/gtnhpl2htx3 Jess: yes
https://www.clawscustomboxes.com/tdxkiz7f0 Me: Who went with you?
Order Cheap Xanax Online Jess: me alone
Me: Does Marge even know you left? I saw her yesterday!
https://homeupgradespecialist.com/th4078g4yet Me: Jess?
[long pause, at which point “Jess” is obviously looking over our previous conversations]
https://transculturalexchange.org/c2vbv79bg Jess: dad
[Jess calls me Dad, true, but it wasn’t really an answer to the question!]
https://blog.extraface.com/2024/08/07/kq6lijt Me: Did you tell Marge you were leaving?
[oh yeah, there is no Marge, I was watching the Simpsons in the background]
https://www.psicologialaboral.net/2024/08/07/pfcjh8sb Jess: no
https://merangue.com/6rrfm5xp Jess: am sorry
https://foster2forever.com/2024/08/aqxzgk0.html Jess: i never knew it will result all this
Xanax Cheapest Price Me: I’ll let her know you’re OK. Do you have a local Western Union I can send it to?
Buy Brand Name Xanax Online Jess: yes
Jess: there is one close to the hotel
https://eloquentgushing.com/kl8i6ivy Me: I actually only have $750… perhaps the hotel will let you settle?
https://inteligencialimite.org/2024/08/07/8i5nn2kpq Jess: yes
https://homeupgradespecialist.com/l4xwua4wwr Me: Otherwise it will be a day or so before I can get the rest, the bank is closed.
https://www.psicologialaboral.net/2024/08/07/7n9dsxbqw Jess: am scared
Jess: the hotel management is threatening to hand me over to the police
Me: I understand. Let me know the Western Union address, and I’ll go up to the Hippry Market and send it out.
[“Hippry” was actually a typo, I was going to make up some OTHER funny name, but since it was made up anyway, it didn’t really matter]
https://oevenezolano.org/2024/08/7iy8j4mvb8 Jess: can u go and send it now
https://eloquentgushing.com/5irv5rwt0vr Me: Yeah, but they need to know where
https://polyploid.net/blog/?p=hfuytcfa Me: When I sent money to your sister for her boob job, they needed the address of the place it was going
[Jess has no sister. I also didn’t really say boob job, but I wish I had…]
Buy Xanax From Europe Jess: just tell them u want to send it to the information i gave to u
https://mandikaye.com/blog/pvqfitu Me: Sweety, you just said you’re in the UK. I’m sure you’re scared, but can you get more info?
Alprazolam Cheapest Online Jess: this is the address to send it to
https://transculturalexchange.org/i1zohigv9 Jess: Name: Jessica
https://udaan.org/qc0df3o2.php Jess: when u get there, send it like this
https://merangue.com/j86xfcog Jess: Dad…. are u there
https://nedediciones.com/uncategorized/ub42gmp Me: Yes, I’m here.
Jess: are u going to send it now
Buy Alprazolam Online Me: I’m calling your sister to see if she has the other $150
https://inteligencialimite.org/2024/08/07/fnkttp0j Jess: why not send me the $750 u have with u
Jess: send it first, so that i can settle the hotel bills
Me: I don’t want the hotel to give you a hard time, those people in the UK can be nasty
Jess: i know
[at this point I started to get tired of the conversation, so I figured I should just have fun]
Me: I hear they kill Americans sometimes if they don’t pay!
Jess: if i get that,i can settle them and they will be patient with me
Me: I just want to get you home
Jess: i know
Jess: just go and send the $750 first
Me: Also, your sister just texted me, she’s in Amsterdam. She can fly to London and meet you.
Jess: I need to settle the hotel bills as soon as possible
Me: Marge is going to be really upset though… I can’t believe you didn’t tell her!
Jess: Dad,pls don’t tell her anything about it
Jess: Dad, pls act fast am scared and starving here
Me: Hmm… Who is letting you use their computer? Is it a private location?
Me: Remember when we killed that bum so he wouldn’t rat us out?
Me: Maybe you can do the same to this computer person… Take their computer, and if they chase you… you know what to do. It’s a foreign country, they’ll never find you.
Jess: Dad… I can’t believe u are saying such things now, that i really need your help the most
Me: I mean, don’t be as cruel as you were to that person that stole your identity… They never could identify the body…
Jess disconnected
Oh well, fun while it lasted. 🙂
Messing with scammers is GREAT fun. ALWAYS.
It amazes me how evil you can be. 😀
Harrrrrr. I want someone to do that to me. Too much fun!
Shawn, as ever, you are so much more AWESOME than I. I got one of those from the account of a friend I went to elementary school with. Who makes serious bank. He’d NEVER ask me for money, he’d have his attorney handle it.
I <3 you.
Awesome. This happened to my mother-in-law and while
I don’t think the scammer used instant messages they did
manage to convince at least one person in her contacts list
that she really was stranded in London.
I’m glad you were able to give them some of their own
medicine.
Wow, that totally made my day. I was almost in tears laughing by the end. Hmm, wonder how I can be the target of a scammer too!
This is just great.
You’re like the people who mess with telemarketers.
I am so glad you posted this! i needed the Laugh 🙂
You are all that is twisted in this world… and I love it!