On Stealing Happiness

I’m currently reading an incredible book by Stephanie Harrison called, “New Happy.” Its findings on what makes us truly happy are similar to a few other recent books I’ve read on happiness. Basically, one of the only ways we become happy is to help other people. Again, while this is a “new” way of looking at happiness science, it’s not the first time I’ve read about the phenomenon. Stephanie pointed out something that really struck me though…

Yes, helping others makes us happy. But when we don’t let others help us, we’re preventing a path of happiness for them. And I’ll be honest, that really stung. All the things I do trying to be kind, helpful, funny, entertaining… they do in turn make me happy. But when I insist I’m not worthy of help, kindness, gifts, etc., I’m not just depriving myself of that connection; I’m also depriving others of the happiness they might get from helping me.

See, if I accept assistance from someone, it feels like I’m being selfish, self-centered, and that I’m elevating my worth above their own. With my messed up self image, I can’t fathom being worthy, much less deserving, of something someone else would do or give to me. Yes, I realize that’s not a healthy attitude about myself, but even more disturbing (for me anyway) is that by having that attitude, I’m preventing people I care about from getting the joy which comes from helping others.

That’s kinda messed up. But if that “help” someone is giving comes in the form of money? It’s somehow SO much more difficult for me to accept. Take Patreon for instance. It took MONTHS, possibly over a year of multiple friends encouraging me to start a Patreon account before I could bring myself to do so. And then when a life change stopped me from producing as much content as I thought made people’s support at least someone compensated, I turned off billing.

The notion that someone might WANT to give me financial support, and that the very act would give THEM joy is just so hard for me to fathom. But honestly, when I look at times in my life when I’ve given to others, it’s those situations where the giving was truly freely given that gave me the most fulfillment. Making someone’s support transactional cheapens the gift. And for my attitude about receiving help, especially financial support, I apologize.

When I create things, be they blog posts, videos, cartoons, cat photos, books, or dad jokes, I will strive to create them to provide value and help others. Maybe some of those things are sold, and maybe they’re given away freely. But the reason I create them won’t be to deserve compensation. And when people give me something of value, whether it’s financial support, kind words, wisdom, insight, or gifts — I’ll do my best to accept it with gratitude, and not cheapen the kindness with refusal or by trying to “pay for” the help.

Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for being patient. I’m a work in progress, and if you’re reading this, you’re helping me become the person I want to be. Even if it’s really, super, extra-pokey slow. 🙂