General Thoughts

Dear International Cafe “Cinnamon Dulce” Cappuccino…

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You are a powdered drink mix. Just like chopped steak is still hamburger, and Crocs are just weird rubber shoes, you are not a gourmet beverage. Please do not pretend to be so.

In fact, I suspect you may actually be a prank beverage, because it seems that when I made a cup in my gourmet single serving brewing apparatus (see, it doesn’t make my cheap coffee pot any fancier to use big words either), you foamed sticky goo all over my shelf.

I don’t like sticky.

Apparently someone at Maxwell House thought it would be a good idea to crumble up a bunch of Alka-Seltzer tablets into each can of Cinnamon Dulce Cappuccino, so that a proper foamy head would appear on each cup. Let me remind you, you are an instant beverage mix. No one takes you seriously. It was either you, or I brew another pot with my already used coffee grounds from this morning, and that idea almost won. You are what I drink when I run out of nasty office coffee. Don’t try to be more than you are, it’s unbecoming.

Now please clean my wall-secured, elevated, fibrous, hardwood shelving device. It’s gross.

Christmas: How Did You Know?

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It is the time of year where we get presents. That means it’s the time of year for awkward moments where you must pretend your gift is something you’ve always wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about, “It’s the thought that counts” — but we’ve all gotten those 3 armed sweaters from Crazy Aunt Judy. It’s the time of year for looking past the practicality of a battery operated pasta sorter, and look deeper. Remember that if your relative thinks you should be eating pasta, it means they think you’re skinny. See? It’s a wonderful gift.

Did you get a hideous tie? It just means the gifter thinks you have enough charisma to wear anything and have it look good. Did you get a sausage and cheese pack that looks like it’s from 1986? That’s aged fake-plastic cheddar! It’s probably worth thousands!

The one gift that’s always hard to take well is the soap and deodorant gift pack. How that says anything other than, “You smell bad, I thought this might help” is beyond me. I always try to imagine the person thinks I’m very concerned about hygiene, and knows I’d never splurge on an off brand travel sized gift pack myself. Oh, by the way, what is shower gel anyway? I never know what to do with half those bottles that come in the gift pack…

Anyway, keep your smile on full bore over the next couple days. Remember it’s the thought that counts. Remember you can always regift that sausage and cheese pack next year (they only improve with age I’m told). And lastly, hold off on your pasta sorting — your days of manual sorting are almost over!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone. 🙂

Getting Things Done

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And now I need to fix this tear in my monitor, ugh...Whenever I’m overwhelmed, Donna reminds me how to eat an elephant.  One bite at a time.  It’s really good advice, and yet I still try to poke that thing down in one gulp.  I always fail of course, and have guilt, more stress, an increasing workload, and a lovely shame spiral that seems to never end.  Ahh, RealLife™, how greatly thou can suck at times.

A big problem with my conundrum is that much of my work is based on creativity.  Yes, I make crap up for a living.  It’s quite lovely.  When a seemingly endless workload mixes with dozens of half done projects — the end result is usually shoddy product.  Which adds stress, adds guilt, and the shame spiral begins again.  What’s a geek to do?

Quite frankly, I’m open to suggestions.  Here are the things I’ve tried that have NOT worked:

  • Scheduling everything in Google Calendar.  This is fine, until something goes wrong (I work in IT, something ALWAYS goes wrong).  Then I’m off schedule, have guilt, more stress, you see where this is going…
  • Keeping a TODO list for all the tasks in my various jobs.  This works better than scheduling everything in a calendar, because there is no timing on the things.  HOWEVER, it’s a bit like shoveling snow from a driveway that happens to be 30 miles long.  I never see progress.  I have guilt, shame, stress, and yes, the spiral begins again.
  • [INSERT PRODUCTIVITY SYSTEM HERE] — I’ve read books, watched videos, etc, etc.  Whatever system is pitched always sounds great, but my problem is I get caught up in the system and never get anything else done!
  • At work, we’ve implemented a trouble ticket system that is a bit nicer than our old clunky one.  I think this will help at my sysadmin job, because I can just do the top ticket, and work from there.  They’ll never be gone, but at least I can see what to do next.  For the rest of my jobs (writing, producing videos), that doesn’t work, because there’s not just a list of things that need to be done, it varies and changes.

So I’ve been trying to think what might actually work.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

  • Get up early and try to accomplish one thing before anyone else gets up.  Getting up early sucks, but if I only have to accomplish one thing, it might not be so bad.  Plus, I can have a nice quiet hot beverage, and maybe my creativity will flow a bit.
  • Make a daily list of things to do.  NOT all the things I have to do (30 mile driveway again), but rather a smaller list of things that I need to accomplish THAT DAY.  I think I’ll put this on paper, because if I put it on something electronic, I’ll spend weeks designing the perfect list software…
  • When I’m done with the list, STOP WORKING.  I think this is important, because I suffer pretty badly from burnout.  It seems like I never accomplish anything, so stopping cold turkey probably won’t really change productivity, but perhaps it will help my brain.
  • Do something fun every day.  I miss fun stuff.  Perhaps this is a silly video.  Perhaps this is a silly poem.  Perhaps this is just a snowball fight with the dog.  Whatever it is, I think I should insist on doing something fun.  For science!
  • Take time to read.  Even if it’s just a little.  Reading is brain exercise, and quite frankly, my brain is getting flabby.  I need to tone it up a bit.

So that’s it.  It’s not a list of New Year’s resolutions, because those never work.  It’s not some new "system" I’m going to get caught up in.  It’s just me brainstorming how to get stuff done, and be happy while I do it.  That last part seems important, ya know?  I’m open for suggestions on how to get stuff done without instilling the wrath of Mr. Shame Spiral, but we’ll see how my plan goes.  I spoke with Fred about it, and he seems to think it’s a grand idea.  Although, to be honest, I think he just wants me to feed him earlier, so he was in favor of the early rising thing.  🙂

Meet Fred The Fish

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I read that fish relieve stress. I also know that caring for fish can be very stressful. Ironic that. So, following the advice of my Internet friends on Twitter, I decided to adopt a betta fish. I have a 1.5 gallon tank, and he seems quite happy. He likes to strut his stuff and flare his gills and fins quite often, and has a healthy appetite for blood worms.

I’m sure some of your are just itching to comment on how a 1.5 gallon tank is too small for a betta, but I assure you I’ve done a lot of research. I’m not putting any other fish in the tank, and while I wanted to get a 3 gallon aquarium, I couldn’t find any that I liked. If Fred turns out to be awesome, perhaps he’ll graduate to a bigger tank someday. For now, he’s like a college fish living in a dorm room. Hey, it beats those little torture bowls they live in at pet stores. 🙂

I’ll try to get photos of him all flared out, but right now I’m waiting for the bubbles on the tank to go away. They block my view of his awesome.

I’m All Better! I Guess…

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I saw the doctor today, and he says I’m better! I no longer have pneumonia, I am no longer contagious, and I can return to work in the morning! Yay! Hooray!

Well, sorta.

I’m glad to be over the hump. Really, I am. I gotta be honest though, I thought being healed would feel a whole lot better. I still have a horrible cough, chest/back/neck pain, and I’m hocking up nasty critters that look like they’re about to gain sentience. I do have a prescription for Prednisone, so hopefully that will finish off whatever ails me. In the meantime, I’m going to celebrate my health with a certain amount of trepidation and concern.

I guess now is that whole “recovery” period people have been talking about. Getting old sucks. 🙂

My Unfortunate Doctor Visit

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If you’ve been following me on Twitter, Facebook, or suchthelike, you most likely know that I’m absurdly sick. Today is the 13th day I’ve been bedridden, and it’s getting frustrating.

I started with what I think was Influenza (I say that instead of “Flu”, because the stomach flu is what most people call the “Flu”, and it’s really not the flu at all. The actual flu sucks.) About a week into my misery, I apparently contracted Walking Pneumonia. I went to the doctor, he gave me drugs, tested me, etc, and send me home.

Thankfully, on Monday, my fever broke. I figured that meant I was getting better, and while I still stayed in bed, I’ve been very optimistic. Since I still have a bad cough, aches, night sweats, (and a few other issues you don’t want to know about), I did go for a follow up exam today. I expected a pat on the back and assurance all was going well.

Yeah, not so much.

The doctor was under the impression I should be better. Not relatively speaking, but completely. Like, I should be all better. So, now I’m on an even stronger medicine, and on bed rest until next week when I see the doctor. Again. Since I’ve been really good about resting and drinking fluids at home (thank you for your support, family), I don’t have to go into the hospital or anything. So far.

So the lesson for the day? Apparently you can still be pretty sick even if you don’t have a fever. Go figure. And with that, it’s back into pajamas for me. 🙁

Dangerous Fever

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I’ve never had my fever spike before, at least not when I was in a place I could do nothing about it. On the way home from the doctor today, my fever went up. WAY up. I didn’t have a thermometer with me, but it’s fair to say it was a very scary experience.

I sat there and hallucinated as my face and upper body felt like it was on fire. (The hallucinations made no sense, and weren’t really funny, so I won’t bother you with details) It was freaky. We opened the window, so the snow would blow in on me, but it didn’t help much. It wasn’t until after I got more ibuprofen into my gut, and I had about an hour to let it do its thing that I started to feel human again. When I got home, my fever was below 103F, and I could think again. That was some scary crap.

The worst part? This was AFTER seeing the doctor. If I don’t start to heal soon, I’m going to have to go into the hospital. This is just crazy.

My First Flu? Next Time Shoot Me.

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Here’s the thing, I’m a sickly man. It’s true. I seem to get every sniffle, infection, cold, pneumonia, etc that can afflict a person. Add to that my chronic migraines, and I’ve seen my fair share of bedrest.

I’m pretty sure I have the flu right now. I looked up symptoms (after I tallied all mine, so I didn’t become self-fullfillingly sick), and apparently flu symptoms for adults are slightly different from that of children. (The latter of which I’m familiar with getting the flu, as I’ve held several puking children in my time as a father)

It turns out adults, while they get a fever, it isn’t usually as high as children. Mine is hovering around 100F, regardless if I take medicine or not. For most people, that’s a mild fever, but my baseline temp is about 96.4F. Yes, I’m apparently partly cold blooded. Perhaps my great great grandfather was a lizard. I have also had a headache for 4 days now, which is a symptom of the flu I wasn’t aware of. Yet, apparently it is.

The thing that has had me doubting my self-diagnosed flu was the fact that I haven’t vomited at all. THEN I read that in adults, vomiting and nausea aren’t common indicators. WHICH MEANS that all the other times I assumed I had the flu because I was throwing up really didn’t mean I had the flu at all. I think this might be the first time I’ve had an actual flu in the time I can remember. (11 years, for those counting my memory)

The flu sucks.

For 4 days now, I’ve had horrible body aches, moderate headache, constant fever, no appetite (the one bonus), dizziness, confusion, chills, sweats, and malaise. The flu sucks.

Thankfully, I haven’t had any respiratory problems. I hate to say “yet”, but as I seem to be feeling worse today than any other day, it’s certainly a possibility. I assure everyone, if I start to have problems breathing, I’ll go to the hospital. I won’t argue, I’ll just go. But the reason for this post is not to make everyone worry about me. It’s to say this:

GET YOUR FLU SHOT!

I hate needles so much that I’ve avoided the flu shot like the plague itself. That won’t be the case anymore. While I’ve felt sicker (pneumonia is a doozy, let me tell you), this slow worsening is rather unsettling. So yeah, go schedule your flu shot right now.

I’m going to go drink some more TheraFlu. And scold myself for not getting a flu shot.

7 Weight Loss Tips From Shawn

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I’ve lost weight before. Lots of weight. In fact, over about 6 months, I lost 60 pounds. It was impressive. I felt great, looked great, and had the willpower of a hunk of granite.

This time, I’m not so great with the willpower. So I’ll give you some of the things I do to help curb my appetite. It’s not a diet plan, it’s not a 12 step program, just some things I do that help me lose weight.

Tip 1: Have Snacks

When you eat a giant salad for lunch, you WILL be hungry at 2PM. You will NOT want more salad, and you’ll probably cave into bad snacks unless you have some good ones readily available. Have apples available. Or preferably, vegetables. Carrots are great. Yes, they are one of those “bad veggies” that are high in sugar, blah blah blah. You’ll never meet a person that is fat from carrot intake, trust me.

If plain carrots don’t light your fire, try dipping them in hummus. Hummus is magical food. It’s really great. I’d suggest making your own though, because the store bought stuff if loaded with olive oil. You can make it really low fat, and add stuff like taco seasoning for a really yummy carrot dip.

Tip 2: V-8 is Great

Yes, it’s terribly high in sodium. It’s not really cheap. For some reason, however, this low calorie drink seems to satisfy a “food” craving for me. Plus, if you get the spicy kind, it leaves your mouth feeling all hot and bothered, which makes other food not sound as appealing. If you are hungry for food, a small glass of warm or cold V-8 might make things all better for about 50 calories. It’s a caloric bargain.

Tip 3: Have Thirds

This tip is often titled “eat smaller portions”, but I like my way better. Use a small plate, and allow yourself to go back for more. I like to use a really small plate (saucer size), and go back a couple times. I don’t feel guilty getting more food, and the time it takes to go back and forth allows your body to realize it’s full. Small plates are awesome.

Tip 4: Eat Frozen Veggies. Lots of Them.

Frozen veggies are often more healthy than fresh. I’m not making that up, it’s really true. If you eat green veggies (I like broccoli and peas) in mass quantities, it will fill you up with very little caloric regret. Plus there’s lots of fiber. I think that’s supposed to be good too. Be careful you don’t get frozen veggies with sauce already built in though. Like adding a bunch of salad dressing to a salad makes it unhealthy, sauces or butter on veggies negates the “low calorie” thing. I like to microwave an entire bag of frozen broccoli, put some seasonings on it (dry, no calorie), and eat the entire thing. Sometimes I’ll chase that with a half bag of frozen peas as well.

Tip 5: Drink Water

Another staple in diet tips, this one, for me, is simply a matter of physics. Drink a lot of water before eating, and you can’t cram as much stuff in. Yes, the water “goes away” quickly, but usually we overeat because we don’t give our bodies time to feel full. This helps a little. (It’s not magic though, I mean, it’s water, not food. Don’t expect too much.)

Tip 6: Beer and Wine are not Beverages

OK, they are. But pretend they’re not. If you like beer or wine (or hard liquor I guess), treat them like desserts, not beverages. If you by a 30 pack of Bud, and chug ’em down like water — you will get a beer gut. “Beer gut” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a huge belly from drinking too much beer. 🙂 Just because it’s not sweet doesn’t mean it’s not loaded with carbs. If you really like beer, get some expensive imports, so drinking one costs like $5-$6. You won’t chug 10 of them in a row, trust me. Same goes with wine. Sure, you can drink it with dinner, but don’t think of it as something you wash your food down with — think of it as a spice or something that adds to a meal. Have a glass of water on the table if you get thirsty, don’t gulp your wine.

Tip 7: Don’t Worry About Thanksgiving

It’s one day. Anyone that has tried to eat smart on Thanksgiving knows, it sucks. Enjoy yourself. If you want to try to be smart, eat slow. You’ll know when you’re stuffed before you have to unbutton your pants!

So there you go, Shawn’s tips for losing weight. Ask me in about 6 months if it worked again. I need to lose about 50 pounds this time, and I don’t have nearly the will power I did before. 🙂

On Being Happy

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WARNING:

This post is a long, wordy, self-discovery thread in which I reveal more about myself than anyone likely cares to know. It’ll probably be boring. Feel free to click away now, I won’t be offended. 🙂

I wish I would follow my own advice. Really, I do. See, my simple advice to everyone is a two step process:

  1. Figure out what you love to do.
  2. Do that thing.

I don’t mean that in some existential, universal happiness, hippy circle, kumbaya crap. I mean your career. Your job. You daily doings. The thing you spend most of your life doing. That thing.

For me, it’s taken 35 years to figure out what it is I love to do. For a long time I thought it was working on computers. I’m good with technology. And I enjoy technology. But it’s really not what I love. Shocked? Don’t be. I like bagels and cream cheese too, but I don’t want to have a career of eating them. Computers and technology are things I enjoy doing, things I understand, things I have an intuitive ability to fix. That doesn’t excite me when I wake up in the morning though. I don’t ever want to go to work in the morning.

Over the past few years, I’ve had the opportunity to work at Linux Journal. It involves computers, technology, and allows me to write. I love writing. I really do. For the past few years, I actually thought it was writing that was the thing I should be doing every day. I actually do wake up in the morning thinking about writing. I love writing. In fact, writing allows me to fill that need deep in my soul that truly brings me a wellspring of joy.

But honestly, writing isn’t “the thing” I love.

This was a confusing revelation for me. When I write, I can feel fulfilled, totally. It does give me that soul soothing comfort everyone hopes to get from their job. Yet, I struggle to keep a diary. If writing were really my ultimate passion, a diary or journal would be like my own little crack pipe. But it turns out that I really don’t like to write in a journal. Because no one reads it. And that’s when it struck me.

I like to entertain.

For a long time, I told Donna that more than anything in the world, I like to make people smile. And I do love to make people smile. But like writing, it’s just a tool for my ultimate passion. Entertaining. That may sound hokey. It may sound like hippy circle, kumbaya crap — but really, entertaining people is my passion. It’s taken me 35 years to figure that out.

So now I’m stuck in a rough situation. I know what I love. That knowledge is powerful, it really is. It’s freeing. It’s fulfilling. It’s awesome. Unfortunately, my life is no longer all about me. I have a family that I deeply love and care for. In fact, I love my family more than I love myself. It’s true. I’m not upset that I have responsibilities that prevent me from “following my dream” right now. I’m thrilled to have a family to care for. So I choose to work in a stable job that provides financial stability for those I love.

If that job proves to be detrimental to the happiness of my family, however, I have no reason to stay. See, money and health insurance are important, but a father and husband is even more important. If the stress of my current job is killing me, and making me a father I don’t want to be, I can quit with the confidence I’ve done the right thing. That, my friend, is some powerful knowledge.

So I leave you with this:

  1. Know what you love.
  2. If you can, do what you love.
  3. Don’t let what you’re doing change who you are.

The last point is important. Remember who you are, and who your family loves. Don’t let a bad career choice change who you are. If you do, you kill the person your family loves, and become a poor substitute. I’m working hard to make sure that doesn’t happen to my family, I urge you to do the same.

Life is too short. Carpe Diem. Trust me, it can be gone in the blink of an eye. Live your life to the fullest, please.