General Thoughts

I’ve been talking quite a bit about my childhood lately, which is very ironic, since I don’t remember much of it firsthand. (That’s another story, very complicated) There are many things I know about growing up though, partly due to stories I’ve been told, and some things that show in my everyday life.

I grew up with a step father that loved to argue. He was a crafty, manipulative man, and used humiliation and belittlement to win most bouts. I learned a lot of useful, horrible skills from that abusive past, and I have to consciously work every day not to do the same to my kids.

I don’t know why I’m a decent person today, because I could really be a jerk. As an adult, I’ve never lost an argument. Really. I’ve never lost a single one. Oh, I’ve been dead wrong lots of times — but never lost the argument. It’s a defense mechanism, I’m sure, but the real downside is I have to be very careful not to hurt and belittle during regular discussions. Seriously, I have make an effort every single time.

In my job, I’m often confronted with angry people that shift their frustrations directly at me. My first few years on the job, I responded off the cuff. I belittled, humiliated, and hurt those folks. I’m good at it, mind you, so I would very rarely hear back anything but apologies (usually forced by their superiors, because of course I made my lashing public). The problem is that people would HATE me, but have no real reason they could pinpoint. When you hate someone, but don’t know why — you want to be mean to them. That’s what happened. It got ugly.

So, I’ve spent the last few years trying to be the better person. I try not to take things personally, and always, ALWAYS communicate with people calmly. (Not the fake calm that wins arguments, but really calm, where the desire to destroy the opponent is gone)

Today, I was accused of responding quickly and harshly by a friend. I must admit, it took every bit of restraint I could muster not to do just that. It’s funny how things are relative. Compared to my instincts, I’m a pussy cat. Compared to the norm, I guess, I’m still edgy. Go figure.

So do I have a personality flaw, or do I just refuse to get bullied? Who knows. I never draw first blood, so I suppose my verbal karate is only used in defense. Mr. Miyagi would be proud.

I have a great desire to live frugally. I think, however, that growing up poor makes frugality seem poor as opposed to wise. Don’t get me wrong, I never went hungry as a kid, my Mom always made sure we had what we needed — but we weren’t even close to middle class. All in all, I’m quite happy I grew up the way I did. I think it shaped me into a person I’m relatively proud to be.

But now I have money. I’m not rich. I’m not even upper middle class, but we have a house and 2 used cars. We also have satellite TV, lots of computers, lots of take-out coffee, lots of take-out food, etc. If we make ourselves live frugally, it starts to feel like we’re poor again. I hate that.

Anyway, it’s something I’m working through. Thought I’d share.

I like Diet Coke.

Donna Likes Coke Zero.

If you look at the ingredient labels, both products contain the same stuff. It must be the ratio of said ingredients. So I ask you, which no-calorie Coke is the best, and why?

Bonus points if you add comments on how vile Diet Pepsi tastes.

Whew, we’re back. I have SOOOO much to post about, but today I’m at work. After 8 days gone, I have a lot to catch up on. See:

Wish me luck!

Can’t sleep. I might take some sleeping pills, but the fear there is that it’s so late I might not get up in the morning. Once midnight comes and goes, I grow leery about taking ’em.

I’ll probably go take a couple Sominex anyway. It’s not like I have to get up early tomorrow. G’night everyone.

Last weekend, we traveled to Grand Rapids for my sister’s college graduation. We really tried to be frugal, and so we bought snacks, etc. for the trip. One of the snacks was Chocolate Pop-Tarts. As all too often happens after a long trip, much of the travel fodder remained in the van.

Yesterday I plugged my cellphone into the car charger. For some reason, it didn’t go in quite right, so I looked at the connector, expecting to find some pocket lint in the way. As you probably already guessed, chocolate Pop-Tart filling was oozing from the charging port on my Razr phone. I’ve never had chocolate anything anger me quite so much.

Anyway, after about 45 minutes of scraping and wiping, if I wiggle the cable just right the phone will charge. I’m hoping the rest of the goo will wear off, but the way my luck goes, it will probably only attract dust and dirt.

And it was FRIDAY. I can’t believe Friday let me down…

I just want to share a frustration with the world. My right hip twitches. This may not seem terribly newsworthy, but my right hip is also where I clip my cellphone. I put my cellphone on vibrate, and my darn twitchy hip makes it feel like I have a call.

I just had to vent. I hope your day is twitch free.

UPDATE: It just did it again, and I grabbed my empty hip to answer the phone that wasn’t even there. Grrrrr.

Yesterday, I was speaking with a dear friend at a softball practice. Both of our daughters are on the team, so we got to sit in the peanut gallery and gab (it’s practice, so it’s not like we were supposed to be cheering or anything). She brought up an interesting notion, in that she thinks due to her difficult childhood, she overcompensates and spoils her children in certain areas. Here’s a few other examples:

1) She had to walk to school, regardless of the weather. Harsh winds, torrential rain, blazing sun; she walked. Now, she tends to drive everywhere, even when walking would suffice. (I would argue part of that is due to the American culture to be fast, fast, fast — but still, I see the comparison.)

2) When she grew up, in her culture, no one had much money. If you were poor, it showed by your not having enough food. Now, when she cooks, she always cooks too much, and when she shops, she always over-shops. The irony is that throwing away extra, leftover food causes her pain — but the need to have enough food still overpowers.

3) When I grew up, we very rarely ate at a restaurant. We just couldn’t afford it. Now, I tend to take my family out to eat, even at fast food, waaaay too often. My children aren’t even excited to go to McDonald’s anymore — but every time we do, I feel the poor little kid inside me jumping for joy.

Anyway, that discussion got me thinking. Is easier always better? I’m sure it’s not, but yet find myself trying over and over to make life easier for my family than I had it when I was younger. (I have to add, that growing up, my Mom always provided everything we needed. We grew up in the ghetto of Detroit on welfare — and she still managed to send me to a private school. Mom, I’m forever in your debt, thank you so much. I have no idea how you managed it.)

If you’re a parent that buys your children more than they need, just because you can, I urge you to reconsider. Work less and spend more time with them if you can. That will be so much more important to them when they’re older. My kids will never think back fondly on all the times we had McDonald’s for dinner. Ironically, the few times I got to go are more meaningful because they were rare.

To my softball Mom friend: Thank you for helping me put things in perspective.