Good Parent, Bad Parent

We are concerned in the photo, because we are missing 2 of our 3 children.  And the one we do have is the wrong gender...Here’s the deal: My wife and I are not the most organized parents in the world. Usually, at least 2 days a week, at least one child will go to school missing their lunchbox. One of us must then run it to the school, and drop it off in the appropriate office before our children go without food.

And bedtimes? We were the kids that stayed up until 3 AM on a school night. And quite frankly, if our aging bodies allowed it — we still would. Needless to say, we do not like mornings. Therefore, every morning we tend to scramble a bit. Sometimes our kids are even a minute or so late. Yes, I hate it too, but it happens.

The thing that baffles me is that some parents aren’t just forgetful and unorganized, they’re completely irresponsible. Basically, they don’t care if their kids have lunch or not. These are the kids with broken zippers on their jackets, no mittens, and bags under their eyes (as 6 year olds). I hate seeing kids like that. And no, it’s not a matter of money. There are coats, mittens, etc. available for those in need. And if your kid doesn’t have a good coat, you’d better swallow your pride and get one. But it’s not even pride, it’s just apathy. How depressing!

Whenever I get upset with my own shortcomings regarding child rearing, I always try to remember how rare caring parents are. At least in this area. There should be a license required for having children. Srsly.

I’m Not That Guy

Yeah right, like that's my snowblower.  Imagine something more like a brick tied to a shovel with a half flat tire on one side.You know that guy that can fix mechanical things? The car breaks down, and he grabs his toolbox and reconoiters your carburetor on the side of the road? Yeah, well I’m not that guy.

We have lots of snow. The storm London just got is what we refer to “A Tuesday” around here. That’s not to make light of the situation across the giant pond — it’s just to say that I should be used to it. And have the tools to take care of it.

First of all I should give you a little backstory. I have a toolbox. I really do. It’s big and red and plastic. It contains screwdrivers, wire crimping tools, needle nosed pliers, and a couple really sweet cable testers. And one 3 inch crescent wrench. No, not one that has jaws capable of turning a 3 inch bolt — but rather the handle is 3 inches long. I think it’s made from plastic coated in tin foil.

Anyway, back to the snow. We have lots. So much in fact that our postal delivery lady no longer will attempt to get close enough to our mailbox to deliver our mail. Now, I do have a snowblower, but it is so old that using it require skills that I don’t really have. Here’s a rundown of me snowblowing our driveway:

1. Spend 45 minutes and a can of starting fluid trying to get the frozen machine running. (I also have no garage, so it sits in the snow all the time)

2. Sniff the ether all over my gloves, and forget half of step 3

3. Take the first swipe down the driveway, which hasn’t been shoveled, plowed, or snowblown in many weeks of storms.

4. At the end of the driveway, I’ve seen 12 purple elephants, spoken to a friendly dresser, and the snowblower has warmed up enough to stall.

5. I adjust the throttle and choke, never the same way twice, until it runs again.

6. Take another swipe.

7. Again, snowblower stalls. By this time all the ice has melted from the engine, so even though the choke no longer helps, I can get a screwdriver near the carburetor and adjust the screws. Which screws? I have no idea, whatever turns without falling out.

8. Again, the engine roars to life. The throttle an choke are now working enough that I can milk a few swipes now. Then, the engine gets hot.

9. The engine stalls in the middle of the road while I was turning around. The transmission is coated in ice now, and the lever to disengage the drive won’t work. Thankfully, not much traffic goes down my road, so I get out my screwdriver right there in the road.

10. I loosen a screw too much and it falls out. Gas leaks on my gloves (the ether has long since worn off), and I scramble in the road looking for and its little spring. Apparently at this point the snowblower just had to pee, because when I put the screw back in, I get another couple swipes out of the engine.

11. About the time I think 2 or 3 more swipes will really make the driveway look sharp, the engine quits for good. At the road. And I need to push it by hand up to the house again.

Now, I left out lots of goodies regarding half broken recoil handles, a leaky gas tank, and a finicky gear shifter (it’s a self propelled walk behind deal). The sad thing is, I’m fairly certain many guys could stop by, sniff the exhaust and tell me my canooter valve is loose. One quick turn with an actual wrench and life would be good.

But I’m not that guy. 🙂

Missing Caffeine

About a week and a half ago, I quit consuming caffeine. It was about as much fun as you’d imagine, and only the past 3 or 4 days have been headache free. I actually think my plan to taper off was dumb, and I should have quit cold turkey. I ended up with a headache for over a week rather than the 3 or so days I was expecting.

I’m a little surprised at how things have turned out.

I miss the caffeine. I really do. For the life of me, however, I can’t figure out why I miss it. Perhaps it is a status symbol. I’m a computer guy, and consuming mass quantities of the precious molecule sorta goes with the territory. Also, Coke Zero doesn’t come in decaf — which totally sucks.

What surprises me is that I’m not tired in the morning like I used to be. Oh, I’m still tired because I’m not a morning person in general. But I’m not tired nearly as dreadfully when I was hooked on java. Also, I don’t get sleepy around 1:30PM like I did just a few weeks ago. In fact, I find myself being perhaps more jittery than I was when I drank 3-4 pots of coffee a day.

Maybe I’m using the wrong words. Maybe it’s not “jittery” and it’s just “energetic.” That could be it.

So while I still miss the coffee culture, and the caffeine “cool factor” — I guess at the end of the day I’m happier without it. How weird is that? Don’t answer. I already know. 😉

Irony, How Ironic

So yesterday I posted about how I find daily posting to be the proper speed for me. And the next day I don’t post anything.

I’d like to claim I did that on purpose, but in fact it was just legitimate irony. Oh well, such is life. 🙂


7 Tips for Being a Happy Blogger

I just need to note that this is not a photo of me personally.  Because really, if it were me, I hope it would scare the crap out of you.We’re past the point where “blogging” is new and cool, so everyone tries it. Chances are you’ve tried blogging. It’s fairly likely that you are a blogger yourself. If so you’ve probably had the days, just like any other writer, that you sit and stare at the screen with nothing to say. One of the tricks to being a steady blogger is to really enjoy writing in your blog. Here are some tips I’ve learned that may not make you money, they may not make you famous, but at the very least they should help you enjoy your little slice of the Internet.

1) How Often?

Very often new bloggers have TONS to say, and so they do. Those same bloggers end up three weeks later blogging about the shape of their dog’s kibble, because they can’t think of anything worth talking about. A great rule to follow is to blog as often as it takes to make you feel fulfilled. I’m not saying that to cop out of giving you a rule.

For me, I find that at least once a day balances well between not getting burned out and fully expressing myself. There will be a balance for you too, but you’ll have to experiment a bit to find it. Something I find that helps is to keep a short list of “things to blog about” that you can add to any time during the day. I use Google Docs (I’m at a computer most of the day), but a notecard would work just as well. If you are blogging at your “pace”, and find you run out of ideas, or that you have an over-abundance of them, you can change your pace to match.

The only downside with my method is that very often I write down an idea for a blog post, and by the time I get to blogging the idea seems stupid. I tell myself it was a stupid idea to begin with, and it just took time to realize — but that might just be me trying to console my ego. The point is, find your pace, and try to stick to it.

2) Readership Goals

I blog both here (small audience) and at Linux Journal (big audience), and the two environments are drastically different. I really enjoy both types, but to be completely honest, a big audience isn’t necessarily more fulfilling than a small one. Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain level that you want to reach, because admittedly blogging for your wife, mom, and dog alone isn’t terribly satisfying. (No offense Mom, I love ya) The community feeling you get from around 20 regular visitors is really great. Really.

If 20 regular visitors/commenters is about the minimum for a really great blogging experience, how do you go about getting them? Well, there are lots of ways. Most of them don’t work. In the end, the best way is to blog for a while, even without that many visitors (except maybe Mom) to build up some content. While you’re doing that, visit other people’s blogs, and leave comments. Come back when they respond to your comments and comment again. Get involved in conversations on other blogs, always making sure to fill in your URL where appropriate. And even MORE important, when someone finally DOES come to your blog to comment, GO VISIT THEIR SITE! Building a community is a give and take thing. Concentrate on how awesome you feel when someone comments on your site, and go give them that same excitement. Your community will build, because other bloggers will be building a community as well, which will likely merge with your community, etc.

I tried sites where you “earn” visits from random viewers, and while you will get a spike in visits — none of them will stay. Same goes for the big sites like Digg. Yes, you get a HUGE spike in traffic if you get to the Digg front page, but 99.999% of those users don’t come back. Building a community is hard work, there aren’t really any shortcuts.

3) Site Stats

Many people tell you not to bother with hit counters, site trackers, traffic analyzers, etc. The theory is that it gets depressing to see low numbers, or that obsessing over numbers is unhealthy. Look, that’s great in theory, but watching stats is fun. I’d venture to say it’s even more fun when you have a small site, because you can look at individual visits. “Ooooh! I got a visitor from Poland that got here via a Google search on ‘toilet water’!”

I say install some site tracking software. (I prefer SiteMeter) Have fun. Creep out your Mom when you see that she visited 3 times in the morning by calling her and asking what she was hoping to find. 🙂 Watch the weird Google searches that will land people to your site. It’s fun. Enjoy.

4) To Stick to a Topic, or Not

Blog about what you like to write about. Statistically, if you stick to a single topic (knitting? dog grooming?) you’re more likely to draw a steady readership. But if sticking to a topic doesn’t fulfill your writing desires, DON’T DO IT! I’m certain if I only blogged about Linux, I’d have a much larger group of readers. If I only blogged about technology in education, I’d have a much larger readership. Quite frankly, however, I’d rather blog about whatever tickles my fancy. If you’re blogging for fulfillment, DO WHAT FULFILLS YOU!

If you’re not blogging for personal fulfillment, but for cash? Well, good luck. The blogosphere is FLOODED with blogs, and there are very few making money. I sure don’t, but I wouldn’t trade in my website for the world. Well, maybe for the world. But still, I really like it. 🙂

5) Use Photos

They don’t have to be photos of you. They don’t have to be photos of your cat. The sad truth is, however, that we have a short attention span. Pictures are nice to look at, assuming they are in focus and load quickly. Heck, some blogs are nothing more than photos. That’s not my shtick, but it works for some. You don’t always need pictures, but it helps to spice up a blog when it contains some multimedia along with text. Also, something I have a TON of fun with on my personal blog is to hide messages in the “alternate text” or “title” fields in the image tags. The message pops up when a person hovers their mouse pointer over the photo, but doesn’t appear in the blog entry itself. Only a small percentage of your viewers will think to look for the messages, but those that do get a special treat. (And now, I’ve let the cat out of the bag, and everyone will look for messages on my photos — that’s OK, enjoy!)

6) Size Matters

Remember when I mentioned people have short attention spans? Yeah, well. It turns out if you go on lengthy diatribes (like this!) very often, people won’t read them. It helps to break up long blog entries into sections, but the reality is a new viewer will likely not care enough about what you have to say to read a long long LONG post. If you’ve read this far in my post, I’m flattered. Sometimes, you can “earn” a reader’s time by keeping them interested in what you’re saying long enough to read something of length, but if you post novels every day, your readers won’t read them. (This does not apply to actual writers whose blogs are an extension of their professional work — they get the luxury of loyal fans)

And here’s the deal: It’s OK to post something short. As writers we often think that if we don’t have X number of words, it’s not worth posting. Poppycock. There’s nothing wrong with short, intelligent blog entries.

7) A Break is Better than Crap

If you’re burned out and hate the thought of blogging: Don’t. If you’ve already built up a community (no matter how small), you might want to announce your hiatus. Heck, the encouraging comments you’ll likely get will help get rid of your burnout. It’s really a basic rule: If you’re blogging for fun, and you’re not having fun, change what you’re doing. If that means to take a break — do it. If that means to start recording some audio messages instead of writing — do it. If you’re not having fun, address it before you start to hate your blog. Maybe a simple theme change will help make your site feel fresh. I change my whole look about twice a year. Sometimes that change is enough to inspire me all over again.

My last bit of advice is just to write. If you’re a blogger, or soon to be blogger, it’s likely you’re that person (like me) that just needs to write. So do it. If no one but your mom ever reads what you write — ask yourself if that’s OK. It might be. People have been keeping diaries for centuries, and individuals have been writing in private for a lot longer than the Internet has been hosting blogs. If you’re a writer, write.

I’m a Mega Roll Man

I'd have a really hard time sitting on a toilet that small...Chances are, you use toilet paper. We may have different techniques when it comes to the use of it (and no, I don’t want to discuss technique, eiw) but we’re all probably familiar with the usage and purchasing of the product.

I’m a Mega Roll man.

Don’t get me wrong, I always read the sheet count on the claims of “just as much TP as 3 regular rolls!” But when it comes down to it, I’d rather buy 8 mega rolls over 24 regular rolls any day. I’ll admit, it takes some mental training, because it seems like you’re buying much less toilet paper. If you can get past the deceptive multi-roll economy size look, the mega roll is king. For several reasons:

1) Yes, it’s more environmentally friendly. Not as much as you’d think, but I suppose a couple cardboard tubes and a little more plastic wrap does add up.

2) It takes up less cupboard space. Granted, we have a lot of cupboards in our house, but filling that space with rolls that don’t make it a single day is just wasteful. And that leads to my big reason for being a Mega Roll Man:

3) You get stranded MUCH less often. If your rolls last 3 times as long, there are that many fewer opportunities for poor planning that result in “butt ring” while you wait for someone to hear you hollering. And I KNOW we’ve all been stranded alone at least once, which is even worse. (I’m also not looking for best practice tips when retrieving TP while pants-ankled)

So for me, it’s Mega Rolls every time. Now wipe that smirk off your face and fess up to your sheet count. 😀

How Much Do You Sleep?

Sometimes funny slippers just aren't enoughThe older I get, the more sensitive I am to sleep deprivation. It wasn’t very many years ago that “pulling all nighters” was a common occurrence at work. Now, if I did have to work all night, I’d likely have to take a day or two off to recoup. It’s quite frustrating.

Take this evening for instance. Last night, I didn’t get to sleep until about 12:30 AM. That doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, and in fact, I was able to get up at 6:30 AM and function.

For about 5 hours.

THEN, I was a zombie. Caffeine didn’t help, it just made me a jittery zombie. (And if you’re going to be a zombie, jittering isn’t really all that great) Only a nap, a friggen nap when I got home made my brain work again. And now it’s 9:00 PM, and I’m off to bed. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll take a pillow to work. I’ll call it my horizontal lunch hour. 🙂

Poopsie Bubbletush

I've never read these, but my kids think they're great.Look, sometimes things are fun and funny for no reason apart from absurdity. Things like whoopie cushions, LOLCats, and peeing in the snow. Today, we’ll say to celebrate Inauguration Day, I give you permission to be completely silly. The best way to start is with your new name provided Professor Poopypants from Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants. Without further ado:

Professor Poopypants’ Name Generator

Yours truly,
Poopsie Bubbletush

Does Anyone Still Have Waterbeds?

Remember the waterbeds that used to have a big wooden frame, and a rubber bladder on the inside? The kind that was quite impossible to “make” because it constantly moved, which wrinkled the sheets? The kind that was either so hot it made you sweat, or so cold you (sometimes literally) got hypothermia?

Does anyone still use those things?

I know for a while “softside” waterbeds were all the rage. They were just like a mattress, but instead of springs, there were tubes of water in the middle. I know they also had waveless, semi-wave, full-wave, and who-know-what-else wave options on waterbeds.

Does anyone still use those things?

From what I remember (not much, admittedly) waterbeds were not terribly comfortable, and were not good for your back. Yet, due to the exotic nature of sleeping on water, they were extremely popular for a long time. So I wonder…

Does anyone still use those things?

Incorrect Aspect Ratios: A Huge Pet Peeve

The scary thing is, after about 20 minutes you can't tell if it's stretched anymore.  It scares the crap out of me.  I hate it.
Look, you have a new 16×9 high definition television. I get it. So do I. There is something in us that WANTS to have every single, beautiful pixel filled with entertainment awesomeness. But here’s the deal — your 4×3 footage was never meant to be displayed like that. It’s just wrong. Picard did not have a head that fat.

I’ve had this discussion in real life, and people say they are annoyed by the black bars on the side of the television if they watch it in the native aspect ratio. These are (ironically) the same people that bought “fullscreen” DVDs because they didn’t like the black bars on the top and bottom of their old 4×3 televisions. Fullscreen DVDs are wrong. Stretched 4×3 video is even wronger. Just don’t do it, you make big screen TV people everywhere look bad.

Now go rent Star Trek the Next Generation, and watch it like it’s supposed to look. You won’t be sorry. 🙂

UPDATE: OMG, I see THIS on Engadget today. Can you imagine the insanity?!?!?!