As the president of the NCCAoA (National Candy Cane Association of America), I feel a public service message is in order. Considering the season, it’s very likely candy canes are being improperly consumed. The following is the only acceptable consumption technique:

1) Broken candy canes are an abomination, and must be discarded immediately. Just because a broken candy cane may retain it’s hook-like shape due to its plastic housing, it is not OK to eat. If it’s cracked, discard it.

2) Using a paring knife, or other non-serrated blade, carefully make a clean cut all the way around the cane, approximately an inch above the end. Be careful not to cut too deeply, but be certain the plastic is entirely severed.

3) Very carefully peel the end bit of plastic off the cane. BE SURE not to peel beyond the cut. If your knife cut was not complete, and the plastic begins to peel above the area — see Addendum 2.

4) Once the candy cane is exposed, feel free to enjoy the pepperminty goodness. If properly done, your candy cane will dissolve evenly, while the still attached plastic forms a moisture barrier, protecting the structural integrity of the remaining candy cane. (See figure 1)

5) Repeat the procedure, working slowly up cane shaft. Be aware that once you approach the hook area, proper consumption becomes difficult. It is acceptable to put the entire “U” shaped portion of the cane in your mouth — but it must not be taken out once placed inside.

Figure 1.

Addendum 1)
If in a public setting, or in any situation that would create an awkward situation by placing the “U” shaped end of the cane into your mouth, it is acceptable to dispose of the end of the cane. In this circumstance, the hook portion is considered the handle for eating the candy, and not candy itself.

Addendum 2)
If the plastic begins to peel past the cut area, it is occasionally possible to salvage the cane by performing a similar cut further up the cane shaft.

Well, to be completely honest, that part is already happening (no, I’m not being mean: bear with me). Many of you know Donna (my wife) works in the library at the school. One of the things she’s been doing is trying to get more books into the library. Many books, especially newer releases, are in very short supply. This is largely due to budgetary cuts.

Donna’s been very crafty in procuring the aforementioned books, using things like www.paperbackswap.com, emailing community members, and more recently using Amazon wish lists. She recently started a promotion in which if 20 books were donated, she’d dress up like Santa on the last day of school. She made a large display with stacks of books that get colored whenever a book is purchased, etc.

With only the promotion of her bulletin board, the 20 books came in before Thanksgiving. My wife is awesome, and our community really stepped up. Now, she’s extended the promotion, and if they get 50 books — the high school principal will dress like the Grinch. It’s important to know that the principal is a very well dressed, no nonsense guy — and him dressing up is really an amusing notion.

So if you just read John Scalzi’s post about buying books, or if you just think buying books for a school library in need is an awesome idea — I urge you to check out their website. The wishlist is linked on the site.

Yay for books!

Well I’m glad you asked. The blog-o-meter currently shows that my life is hectic to the point of non-posting. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this neglectful to blog.

I could claim, “It’s my blog, I can do what I want!” But that would be a lie, because you see I rather like writing stuff here.

So anyway, I’m off to the grindstone again. (That was a lie too, there is no grindstone) Hope your day is full of awesome.

And really, who wouldn’t at these prices? I do really feel bad for the folks that “stocked up” when gas prices “fell” to below $4.00 a gallon. Who would have guessed prices would fall so much?!?!

I’ve been told by people smarter than me that the low gas prices are a result of the failing economy. Does that mean it’s bad for me to LOVE that I can fill my truck for under $20? I certainly wish all catastrophic events had side effects like these. Can you see it now?

• Hurricane destroys Gulf state: Homeless shrimp looking for bellies to fill.
• Fire destroys salmon farm: Smoked salmon sells at a penny a pound.
• Tsunami floods prairie states: Dead fish fertilizer causes bumper wheat crops — Pizza dirt cheap!

Sadly, you don’t see many great side effects to horrible events. This low gas price one though, I’m currently going to enjoy. 🙂

For the record, the gas pump price pictured above WAS after my 25 cent off coupon was applied. I mean, gas is cheap, but this is still northern Michigan…

As many of you know, I was one of the final 12 guys for the Hot Blogger Calendar contest. Yes, this is embarrassing. No, I don’t think I deserve it. Still, if you want to own your very own calendar with shawnp0wers as the November “model” — I think you should be able to fulfill such a desire.

Just click on on the photo up there in the corner, and it should take you to the Hot Blogger site, where you can buy your very own. I think they are $12 each, with an additional $2.50 for shipping. If you want to order more than one (if you do, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know about it), you only pay once for shipping.

Ok, there ya go. Let us never speak of this again. 😀

It really is a sad testament to humanity when being kind is significant enough to point it out with thanks. Don’t get me wrong, I think we should all be thankful for things in our lives. Some things, however, shouldn’t be so rare as to warrant a thanks.

• When most people meet me, they don’t punch me in the face. I do not thank them for that. It’s sorta what I expect them to not do.
• If you don’t run into my car at a traffic light, I wouldn’t expect a thank-you card in the mail.
• If you avoid peeing on my foot when we’re standing at adjacent urinals — I won’t thank you for it.
• If you don’t steal my wallet, I’m unlikely to draw attention to it.
• If you don’t dump gasoline on my house and decide to take up smoking — I still won’t thank you.

Now, note that it’s not a matter of not being thankful for such things. I don’t particularly enjoy getting punched in the face or having my house burned down. It seems to be a social norm, however, that NOT stealing my wallet is a fair expectation.

Anyway, I said all that to preempt a story. When I was shopping for Houston-y gifts at the airport before I came home last week, I brought my chosen parcel to the counter and paid for it. I was kind to the lady behind the counter. I smiled, I thanked her for offering to bag my goods, and I genuinely wished her a good day. She responded with, “Thank you for your kindness.”

It struck me as a strange thing to say. I think it was largely because she looked very sincere when she said it, and it didn’t seem like a fluffy, “have a nice day” type response. I was intrigued, so I hung around the store a bit to see how she acted around others. I thought perhaps since she was of an ethnicity that I’m not often exposed to, that perhaps I was the odd fish out, and thanking for kindness was quite normal.

Then I realized why she had thanked me.

It turns out that most of the suits in the airport that were buying their newspapers and such treated the lady as if she didn’t exist. They would talk on their cellphones while paying. They would ignore her attempts at any sort of interaction. Most people looked right through her. How arrogant and self-absorbed have we become as a society that a store clerk is “beneath” us?

Treat your clerks kindly. They’re people. They’re probably more interesting than any of us. If you get a smile from one of them, you are the lucky one. 🙂

…in the meadow we can build a snowman

Can someone explain to me what Google Page Rank is all about? Apparently my site recently went down a point from a pagerank of 6 to 5. I guess a 5 is still good, but in the grand scheme of things, I don’t get what that means at all.

Apart from ego stroking, what does a high pagerank give someone? It’s certainly not a reflection of popularity. My blog gets much less traffic than other equal-to-lower ranked sites. Maybe it gets me more google search hits (ie, my blog appears earlier in search results), but if so, that would make my daily numbers even less legitimate, since my hits would be coming from unbalanced Google traffic.

Even if all that is the case, why would my site have a high rank? Google Alerts assures me no one is talking about me. I’m not famous. I don’t have pictures of nekkid ladies. I don’t even have good cookie recipes.

So my question, not complaint, is what is the pagerank all about, and why is mine 5 instead of 2?

Writing this gives me joy. Why? Because I win either way. Tee hee hee. I just read a post John wrote over on his site about his commenting on other blogs. It’s very interesting, and while I’m certain I won’t be the only one that baits him — I don’t know that others “win” by just posting. Ahhh, the joy. Here are the two scenarios:

1) John reads, but doesn’t comment.

See, he pretty much guaranteed that he’d read this post. On his site, he said he would. I’ve both used his name and linked to his blog. If he doesn’t read it, that makes him incompetent, and/or a liar. While the first is more ego-bruising, either would likely be unacceptable. But here’s the deal, he can’t validate a silly comment-baiting blog post with a comment. I mean he CAN if he wants, but it pretty much negates the “less than one percent” rule he outlined on his site. I mean really, this post is pure nonsense. By making it nonsense, I force him not to comment. So you see, his lack of commenting (while we KNOW he read) means he’s just dancing like a mute monkey for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be sneaky and get him to comment with some “neener neener neener” post. It’s just by the very nature of this blog entry that I’ve forced him to ignore it. Still, being forced to ignore something is, for me, funny. I haz power over John, hehehehe. I relish the hesitation. I relish the internal struggle regarding whether or not to comment. Ahh, sweet victory.

2) John comments.

This is a little more tricky. See, it seems that he would just comment to prove he’s not incompetent in blog-searching, or to prove that he can do whatever he wants. I don’t think he’s commented here before, so he can’t claim that “out” as a reason commenting would be more likely. I don’t know John in meatspace (Yes, we’ve met, but no more so than any other fan. We don’t send each other Christmas cards. Our dogs don’t go on playdates. Our daughters don’t have slumber parties with each other.) So if John comments, I suppose I feel I’ve won because I summoned him like a genie. Dance monkey, dance.

My ultimate suspicion is that John won’t comment. I think the justification will be that a stance of non-interest seems to be the most ego-satisfying. If there is a comment, it will likely be something like “heh” and nothing else. Having more important things to do, you see, seems rather, well, important. I take great joy in knowing that regardless of the outcome, there will be a , “to comment or not to comment” debate going on in John’s head.

Your waffling, it pleases me, John. 😀