General Thoughts

48 Seconds

by

That’s how long it took for my “add a new post” page to load. I have no idea why my wordpress install is so absurdly slow. Perhaps it’s GoDaddy. Perhaps it’s DNS. Perhaps it’s WordPress.

Perhaps it’s Mogwai that were fed after midnight.

The load time is so frustrating, I find myself using Twitter more often than blogging. Anyway, I’ll figure it out eventually. I’ll either switch platforms, switch providers, or maybe just switch themes.

Grrrrr.

My Penguicon Schedule

by

I’m being completely honest — I still find it a bit surreal people actually want to know my schedule at Penguicon this year. I’ve gotten several emails, tweets, and facebook something-or-others asking for it. It makes me feel a bit like the nerd that gets asked to the prom as a prank. If anyone throws eggs at me, I’ll be so angry.

Actually, being egged might be fun… ANYWAY, here’s my schedule:

May 1, 2009 10:00 pm
“Lightning Talks”
Featuring: Jorge Castro, Bill Childers, Jim Hall, Shawn Powers, Kyle Rankin, Catherine Devlin

May 2, 2009 1:00 pm
“Atari Competition”
Featuring: John Scalzi, Wil Wheaton, Shawn Powers
Atari competition for charity. Shawn Powers of Linux Journal & Wil Wheaton of Teh Internets & TV duel old-school style, with John Scalzi as the Master of Ceremonies. Watch while they beat each other senseless with Atari consoles. Hold on… Oh, that’s not… I’m told that they’ll actually be playing Atari console games against each other, which should result in a lot less blood.

May 2, 2009 6:00 pm
“Death of Retro Gaming”
Featuring: Wil Wheaton, Shawn Powers, Craig Maloney, Jeff Hanson
In the 70s, 80s, and 90s, arcades and old video game consoles like Atari were selling like hot cakes. What happened to this style of gaming? Are movies like King of Kong bringing the franchise back? This panel will discuss that and give newer game examples with the classic feel for the legacy gamer.

May 2, 2009 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm
“Taking Over the World with Penguins and Free Beer”
Featuring: Shawn Powers (with Bill Childers and Kyle Rankin for Q&A)
I’ll start with a talk about some of the problems we’ve had as a Linux community with really getting our operating system in the hearts and hands of desktop users. I’ll give a short history, describe some present problems, propose some ideas, and discuss some of the things I’ve learned as a journalist and sysadmin regarding the introduction of people to Linux. After my presentation, time for Q&A!

The Truth About Boxers and Briefs

by

Max here prefers WonderDog Underoos over Superman -- but as long as you don't make him wear boxers, he won't bite you.This post crosses way over the line of TMI, but if you’re remotely interested in some insight into the boxer and brief debate, and not offended by references to dangley bits, this post might be educational. It might also be a complete farce, it’s hard to tell.

This evening, due to my inability to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I have no clean underwear. I recently got out of the shower, and realized my situation too late to do much about it. So I grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and put them on. I really don’t like boxer shorts. So let’s talk about my misery a bit, OK?

  • Boxer shorts are not underwear. You can feel free to disagree with me, but sadly you’re wrong. (Hey, lay off, it’s my blog) Look at their name: “Boxer shorts“. They’re shorts. The only reason they’ve become synonymous with underwear is so many people wear them as such. It’s much easier to say, “I prefer boxers”, than to admit, “I actually don’t wear any underwear — but don’t worry I always wear a pair of shorts under my pants so if my zipper falls down you don’t need to call the cops”. See, the latter just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
  • Before you start bragging about how great your boxer shorts are, take into account the real reason I think some of us prefer actual underwear. You ever been fishing? If you fish for little fish, like perch for instance, when you catch one you simply pull it out of the water dangling from your fishing line. It works great. If you go salmon fishing, however, you need a net to pull those big suckers in. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this.
  • I think boxers are more popular with people in their 20s because they weren’t alive in the time period that tight jeans were “in.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that wearing boxers while wearing tight jeans is an easy way pinch things off. I’m just saying.
  • It’s true there are lots of cool boxer shorts to be found. Cartoons characters, funny quips, strange designs, etc. Sadly, the days of awesome themed underwear are largely over for those of us that wear briefs. Back in the day, we could wear Underoos — but unfortunately I can’t find Superman undies in my size anymore. And yes, I’d probably wear them if I could. Shut up, you would too.
  • I realize some doctors recommend boxers for men that are having a hard time conceiving children. I say get a new doctor. Sorry guys, see above mentions of pinching things off. Sometimes you gotta get a second opinion.
  • Bikini things are not the same as briefs. Look, no one wants to see you in those. And if you’re an underwear model or something, and the ladiez really do want to see you in something that resembles a tiger-striped Speedo, chances are you’re not reading my blog anyway. One thing is for sure, none of the guys at the gym want to see you wearing that crap, so save it for jungle night at home or something. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blog about it. Please.)
  • The flies in tighty-whiteys: No one actually threads their thing through that ridiculous maze of fabric in order to save the time it takes to pull down the front. Sorry of that steals the magic away for some of you, but it’s true. They are not functional as a weenie escape route, and even if you go through the trouble of doing so, let’s just say garden hoses aren’t the only things that kink.
  • So why are there double layers of cotton on the front of tighty-whiteys if you can’t use them for.. “that”? Ok, you asked. That dual layered front is for absorbency. Eiw right? Well, there is an unwritten law that says “Thou shall shake the drips off with 2 shakes only. Thou shall not shake more than twice. I meanest it, thou shall not. Three shakes is not OK, thou knowest it to be true…” So if the two shakes doesn’t sufficiently do the job, the two cotton layers are there to protect you from pee dots. Yeah, so what happens to your boxer friends after an unsuccessful double shake? Well lets just say they don’t have a double thick layer of cotton. Double Eiw.

    • And I think that will sufficiently gross enough people out to make up for my suffering in boxers this evening. I feel better. How about you? 😀

Real Life Zombies: Insomniacs

by

Line #24 is BRAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSS. Most zombies hope by pickup line #23 they score... (I have no idea where it came from so I don't know who to credit.)At first glance, insomnia really does seem cool. No, I’m serious. I don’t know about you, but I’m often annoyed that I need to spend a third of my life pointlessly sleeping. I’ve got things to do man.

Unfortunately insomnia really isn’t as cool as just “never getting tired.” See, here it is almost midnight and I’m so absurdly tired that I have to concentrate on every word to make sure it makes sense. Dirt puddle fluffy leg McDoogle dryer. (hehehe, see what I did there…)

I figured I’d take this opportunity to dispel a few misconceptions about what it means to have insomnia. Yes, it means you can’t sleep, but there’s more to it than that:

  • Insomnia means you’re tired but can’t sleep. It doesn’t mean you’re not tired so you don’t sleep.
  • While some methods of curing (or at least remedying) sleeplessness work for some people, for others they don’t. My examples will be for my case, obviously.
  • Reading (again for me) doesn’t work, because I’m too tired to concentrate, so the book doesn’t soak in. It’s basically like reading strings of pointless words. That gets boring pretty quick
  • Counting sheep. Please. I could barely force myself to count sheep if I actually had sheep I was responsible to keep track of.
  • Over the counter drugs for sleep aid generally do make me go to sleep, but only in short, freakishly strange bouts of dreams. I get out of bed in the morning not only still tired, but as if I just lived through a season of the X-Files
  • Work. Sounds good right? Can’t sleep, just do some work. The problem is that my brain is silly putty, remember? Trust me you don’t want me configuring servers OR writing for a magazine in this state. You think I’m bizarre on a good day, just imagine “loopy” Shawn. It sounds better on paper, trust me.

To add insult to injury, in order to actually function the following day I usually need to caffeinate myself. I’m sure you see the problem that likely causes and the vicious circle I find myself in.

So as midnight looms and I’ve already tried for hours to sleep — I now go into the mode that I try relaxation techniques and such. If things go like they have been, about 4:30 I’ll start debating whether trying to go to bed will be worse than just staying up. 4:30 is about my “point of no return” time. About then I consider making coffee.

Sweet dreams everyone. 🙂

Detecting Conficker with NMAP or scs

by

Conficker isn't nearly this cuteTomorrow is April 1st, and apart from funny pranks and silly hats — the Conficker worm will rear its ugly head. As recently as yesterday, some early (not that early I realize) detection programs are available. And they’re free.

The first is simple to use, but slow as crap. In the author’s defense, it’s just a proof of concept. But it works. 🙂 It’s written in Python, and has both the python script (which requires some additional libraries in Linux) and a windows version that is all built into a package.

This site has links to both versions, along with some instructions. It seems to be able to keep up with the traffic it’s getting, whereas some other sites are getting crumbled as admins scramble to sniff their networks.

The second method uses a brand spanking new version of NMAP to do the detecting. The advantage is it’s much quicker at scanning larger networks. The disadvantage is it requires a bit of commandline fu. Fear not, it’s as easy as copy/paste.

First, get the version for your operating system. NOTE: You MUST get nmap-4.85BETA5 because earlier versions won’t scan for Conficker.

Once you install nmap, you’ll want to run the command:

nmap -PN -d -p445 –script=smb-check-vulns –script-args=safe=1 [network_range]

Where [network_range] is something like 10.10.5.1-255 or even 10.10.0.0/16.

You’ll need to look through the results for information like:

Host script results:
| smb-check-vulns:
| MS08-067: FIXED
| Conficker: Likely INFECTED
|_ regsvc DoS: VULNERABLE

And then fix/patch those hosts. I’d suggest sending the results to a text file, and grepping for the word VULNERABLE or INFECTED — but those types of instructions are beyond the scope of this quick hack of a post. 🙂