In Which I Fall Into A Portal

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Those of you concerned that I died from cinnamon poisoning, fear not, I’m still kickin’. I also still like cinnamon, which is a plus. The past few days have been overwhelmingly busy, and to make a busy couple days even worse — Kate Baker introduced me to Portal.

This introduction had several side effects:

  1. I now know what a companion cube is.
  2. I now understand the overly stated, “The cake is a lie.” (I never knew what that was about)
  3. I lost 2 days of my life. Because the game is addictive, fun, and time consuming.

So, thanks Kate! I mean that both seriously, and sarcastically. 😀

More Spice

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After I did the cinnamon challenge, Kate Baker gave it a go as well. Then, Donna got home, and figured she’d give it a try too. 🙂 Here is Donna doing the cinnamon challenge:

Carlie: I’m pretty sure you have to do the challenge now… 😉

All About Me

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Everybody’s doing it, so I figgered I would too. I saw Jim’s first, so officially that’s the one I’m responding to. Enjoy:

1) Ever been in a relationship lasting over 5 years?

Yes, been married for 12 years. Also, had a pair of sneakers for about 7. The wife is much better looking. And smells nicer.

2) What was one of your dreams growing up?

A writer. Really. Probably an astronaut as well, but the writer thing has been pretty constant my whole life.

3) What talent do you wish you had?

Money management. I actually wish there was a service that took all my money, paid all my bills, planned for retirement, and gave me the appropriate amount for food and gas. I really really suck at managing money. Or, in lieu of that, the ability to turn snow into gold. That would suffice.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

Coffee. Strong. Black.

5) Favorite books?

Well, I’ve had to start over with my reading since my car accident — so my pool to pick from is smaller. I liked “Forever War” quite a bit, and Heinlein always seems to please. I’m glad I read Dune, but have no desire to read more in the series.

6) What was the last book you read?

Spiderwick Chronicles. (To the kids)
Currently reading, “Stranger in a Strange Land”

7) Astrology: Menace to science education or entertainment?

It seems absurd to me that people take Astrology as more than fluffy silliness, but some do. So for that alone, I say menace.

8 ) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.

Nope. I’ve accidentally poked large holes in my hide before, but the outcome is almost always stitches and tetanus shots as opposed to pretty decorations.

9) Worst habit?

Chewing my nails.

10) Best attribute?

Hmm… I’m not really sure. I’m loyal to a fault, so I’m not sure if that’s good or not. I guess I’ll just say I’m a Nice Guy. With faults, but still, I’m usually a Nice Guy. Oh, and I guess I’m funny. But saying you’re funny takes away the funny. So no, I’m not funny.

11) What are your favorite hobbies?

Reading, surfin’ the ‘net (duuuude…), messing with computers, learning.

12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?

Unfortunately, negative. I have to work to stay positive, because really, that’s so much better. I think my job has ruined me in that regard. I’m not nearly as carefree and silly as I used to be. 🙁

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

Pray that I (or you) hadn’t eaten chili recently. 😀 Seriously though, talk and joke. I like people in small groups, it’s the large rooms full of people that make me stabby.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

Car accident. It was also the best thing that happened to me. So go figure.

15) Best thing to ever happen to you?

Well, see above…

16) Tell me one weird fact about you.

My right foot is is slightly turned out. When I stand, my feet look like this: | /

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

The dogs would bark. Incessantly. I would holler at them. They would continue to bark. Then I’d offer to make you some coffee. 🙂

18) What was your first impression of me?

Gruff but not mean. The kind of guy that might pull my car out of a ditch, and expect nothing but sincere thanks in return. (I’m that kinda guy too)

19) What scares you?

Those I care about going through pain that I can’t take away. On small and large scales. This is especially true of my kids. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. (Warning: Link to some of my Christian theological struggles)

20) If you could change one thing about how you are, what would it be?

I wish I was more of a risk taker, professionally at least. The problem is that I’m paranoid about providing for my family, AND I suck at money management (see above).

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

It depends. I’d be Robin Hood’s Little John. I’m vengeful like that. 😉

22) What color eyes do you have?

I dunno, you judge: (Today, they look green… it varies)

eye.png

23) Ever been arrested? If so, what for?

Nope. I should have been once though, after a certain weekend party at college. We were walking home through downtown Houghton, after all the bathrooms were closed. ’nuff said.

24) Favorite dessert?

Something with cinnamon. I really love cinnamon.

25) If you won $1000 today, what would you do with it?

Pay bills. $1000 ain’t what it used to be. 😉

26) Tell me something you want me to know about you.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than making people smile. Oh, and I HATE being tickled. So don’t tickle me. I mean it.

27) What’s your favorite place to hang out?

A comfy chair near a fireplace. There is no such place anywhere in my life. This saddens me.

28) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?

Ghosts, no. Aliens, yes. Not that have visited us, or are living among us, but it seems absurd that we’re it.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Read and write. I find little time to do either. This too saddens me.

30) Do you swear a lot?

Very, very rarely. And then, it’s mild profanity.

31) Biggest pet peeve?

Idiots.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Splarnictintious. I think I deserve my own word. (So, maybe that means, “Conceited…”)

33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?

Yes, I’m just very bad at it. This saddens my wife immensely.

34) Most unusual place you’ve had sex?

Use your imagination. I guarantee it’s more interesting than the truth.

35) Do you believe in an afterlife?

Yes, but realize I’m one of the most skeptical Christians I know. This too saddens me.

Your turn!

Silly Things I Do #3

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I like to wear mismatched socks. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s true. I prefer similar thicknesses, but I’m not terribly picky. It’s important that they are drastically different, however. Something like one purple and one green is perfect. Or one white tube sock, and one argyle dress sock.

So, do mismatch socks annoy you, or make you feel unique?

In Which I Call New York

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Last night, I showed my true colors as I pushed silly right to the border of awkward. 😉

Nathan blogged about his issues with Dominos Pizza. I thought it was funny, and wanted to taunt him. So, I went to his online book, which has his name on the bottom, and looked up his home phone number in New York. Thankfully, his name is unique enough that this proved really simple.

Using my Skype phone (so it wouldn’t say, “Michigan Call”), I called him posing as the pizza guy. It’s funnier if you read his blog post, so go read it. (Warning: There is some angry New Yorker language, but it’s really funny. 🙂 )

Shawn’s Rules for Public Meetings

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Some guy named Robert got to have his name on a list of rules, so I hereby claim the following rules as Shawn’s Rules of Public Decency in Meetings:

1) In order to complain about something, a person must actually know what they’re talking about.

It’s important to note that someone telling you about it doesn’t count as knowing about it. It’s also discouraged to conveniently omit key information in your rant that might possibly show you are in some way a party to the problem. Lastly, if you lash out at the only people with the slightest ability to help remedy that which troubles you — please realize that efforts will most likely be put into discrediting your complaints, as opposed to fixing them.

2) If you don’t have even the slightest inkling of a solution, a public meeting is not a place to complain about everything that is wrong with the “establishment.”

Please remember that public administrators are often the target for scorn, anger, complaints, and slander. We mostly realize that vicious personal attacks (even pointed ones) are not directed at the person, but rather the office. However, this also makes us cynical, bitter, defensive people. We’re generally smart, and “get it” when you say things meant to sting us personally. Luckily, our sense of duty is almost always such that we try to do the right thing in spite of such comments and complaints. But we don’t like you. If our solutions to the problems you bring up make you personally miserable, please realize it’s your position that is miserable, not you.

3) If you ask for something, get it, and then complain about it — please be sure to wear the appropriate “I’m an Idiot” hat while speaking.

This rule helps public officials identify personnel issues that might otherwise go unnoticed. Also, be sure to state your full name, so everyone can remember the proper names of the idiots.

4) If you don’t like your job, your working conditions, your benefits, your pay, your boss, your facilities, your co-workers, or even your daily commute, please feel free to quit.

If you don’t have what you need to properly do your job — then don’t do it. This may seem harsh, but really, why be miserable? Life is too short to be unhappy with your job.

5) If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem

Complaining about the problem is not part of the solution. At all.

Ok, that’s it. Too much more would be snark, and I’m in just the sort of mood to be snarky really really well.

UPDATE: I leave you with this gem…

funny-pictures-cat-useful-idiots-book.jpg

24 Hours Later

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I have crippling stomach cramps. No fever.

So much for my cast iron stomach. Ugh.

Tip of the Day: If food smells like garbage, it is. (In my defense, sour cream throws a monkey wrench in that otherwise simple rule…)

Silly Things I Do, #2

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Ok, this one isn’t really silly so much as stupid. And it just happened.

Last night, we went to the grocery store. It was late, and we didn’t get all the bags empty. We made sure all the frozen stuff was put away, and all the cold stuff went to the fridge. Noodles, etc — still on the table.

As we were putting them away today, we found a “Smart One” frozen dinner that was poorly bagged. It was in with non-perishables, and so thawed out. Being the thrifty (read: Cheap) man that I am, I figured I should quickly cook and eat it, so the food wasn’t wasted. Yes yes, I know, that’s horribly gross. But really, it was early in the day, and we went shopping late last night.

Except, as Donna pointed out to me after I was half done, we actually didn’t go shopping last night. It was Thursday.

And my Smart One wasn’t supposed to taste quite so tangy. Yes, I’m feeling a bit sick. I’m thinking it will be funnier after the vomit that I suspect is coming shortly…