Humor

Star Trek Mug!!!

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My family drove to a beautiful home on the shore of Lake Huron today for lunch. Thankfully, the home is owned by friends (actually, my former boss — he retired), and they were expecting us. When we arrived, they had gifts for the family, and the coffee mug below is one that I think he’s had for years, but wanted to give me because he thought I would appreciate it. He was correct. 🙂

NASCAR

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photo-186.jpgI am not a NASCAR fan. At all. However, my 8 year old daughter went through the trouble of searching through the entire “school store” to find a coffee mug (which I do like) that said #1 Dad. We live in northern Michigan, which is a fairly redneck locale, and so the only option she had was NASCAR. I am pleased to say that she didn’t even know what NASCAR was, and got the cup merely on it’s #1 Dad merit.

I cherish this cup.

Now, NASCAR? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’d enjoy driving a race car. I also think I’d do very well, right up to the point that I wrecked in a fiery inferno. There is this tiny little Neanderthal in me that comes out when I’m driving things like 4-wheelers, snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and I think race cars. I drive them like an absolute maniac. There’s a rather interesting story that I’ll tell someday that involves me breaking my back on a 4-wheeler…

BUT, watching NASCAR is about the lamest, most boring “sport” I could ever imagine. If you are a NASCAR fan, and you’re reading this, please explain the joy you get from it. Because apart from my coffee mug — it just doesn’t do anything for me.

UPDATE: Apparently, “NASCAR” must be shouted, and needs to be spelled in all caps. I’ve corrected my silly ignorance. (at least my silly ignorance in this matter)

Speak, Friend, and Enter

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durin.jpgI have many geeky friends. That probably doesn’t surprise anyone. This morning, one of them (I’ll leave his identity concealed, to save face) instant messaged me the link to a site he wanted me to check out. That site was password protected, and with the link, he simply wrote, “Speak friend, and enter.”

Cool. 🙂

So, I proceeded to type “mellon” as the username and password. It didn’t work, so I tried, “Mellon” which didn’t work either. Then I tried, “melon” which is really elvish for “I Love” but could easily been confused. Nope. “Melon”? Nope.

Frustrated, I turned to google, to check my spelling, and I couldn’t find any other spellings. So, defeated, I IM’d him back, “Ok, how did you spell ‘Mellon’ ?”

To which he replied, “What is Mellon?”

I chuckled at myself, typed “friend” as the username and password, and got right in. 🙂 It’s not the first time I’ve been the geekiest person in the room, and I’m sure it won’t be the last…

(Confused? Here ya go.)

My Foot, It Defies Me

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foot.jpgOk, I read this on Digg — but it’s frustrating enough that I feel the need to repost it.

Sitting at your desk, lift your right foot and make clockwise circles. While doing this, draw the number “6” in the air with your right hand. Your foot direction will change to counter-clockwise, and you’ll quickly go insane. I’m sorry to be the one that leads you to the nut house, but misery loves company.

You’re welcome. MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA

New Video, and a Funny Story

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God has a sense of humor. I know this, because I’m 32 years old, and while I was preparing to shoot this video, my forehead kindly grew 2 giant pimples. One was in the “unicorn” position, and the other was placed just right to accentuate my receding hairline. That’s just spiffy.

So, like any filmmaker, I decided it was time to use makeup. Very macho and professional of me, right? Well, not so much. You see, I’m guessing when guys in the movies get themselves all painted up, they don’t use their wife’s makeup. In fact, I might bet some money on that. I, however, didn’t really have a choice.

In my attempt to wear “as little makeup as possible”, I spread the stuff on very thin. When you spread on makeup thin, however, you have to rub HARD. Which, for a fair complected bloke like myself, turns your skin red.

So picture me, with my wife’s makeup, poorly applied, and with my entire face beet red from rubbing. It did draw the attention away from the 2 ganky pimples on my forehead — but wasn’t really any improvement. So I had to apply more of my wife’s makeup. To cover up my mess.

Anyway, it turned out fine. I don’t think I’m going to leave the house before scrubbing my face like crazy, but really — who could ever find out? 😉

https://youtube.com/watch?v=m6cRrhmv6aE

I Want One of These.

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tentacle_02.jpgI don’t know why. I know that I would like to wear it to work. And just one, because two would be silly.

If you want one, just click on the photo, it will take you to an online store. Please buy me one too, because there’s absolutely no way I could convince my wife it was a good idea.

The B Word

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My wife has been working in the elementary school for the past month, assisting a special needs boy. He has a horrible background, and because of it, has the worst social skills I’ve ever seen in a student. At any age. And he’s a second grader.

When Donna started working with him, he was violent, disrespectful, and quite honestly, a little scary. Today, however, he did something that was so funny, I thought I’d share.

Normally, this young man swears like a sailor (no offense, my naval visitors). In the time that he’s been with my wife, however, that’s largely diminished. Today was proof. He’s not having a very good day, which is to say that he’s been challenging to manage. He got mad at Donna for something, but instead of actually swearing at her like he would have a month ago, he yelled, “You’re the ‘B’ word, you know that?!?!”

I know, for most kids, that would be horrible. But for this young man, it was the most restrained he’s ever been. She told me about it at lunch today, and it made me laugh. Sadly, the trial period for Donna is ending on Monday, and the position will go to a union member with the most seniority — but hopefully the stint with Donna will help the new aide. As long as she’s not a B word. 🙂

LOLPunch. In the Face.

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I’ve mentioned before that I really, really like me a good LOLCat. No, not stir fried or broiled, but one of them there funny cat pictures. Here’s a random one now. Enjoy. My apologies if you get a ceiling cat, they tend to be a little risque.

My issue, today, is with the commenters on that site. Have you ever read the comments? It’s painful. It angers me. It makes me want to punch things. Things like faces. (This might be partially due to my current sleep issues, but still, I don’t think I’d like it even on a good night sleep)

So anyway, the moral of the story? Cats can use poor grammar and spelling, and it’s funny. If you’re referring to an LOLCat, it’s sometimes funny to speak that way. If you’re trying to be funny by speaking like an LOLCat caption at inopportune times — even that can be funny.

If you try to carry on a conversation using LOLSpeak, you deserve to get punched in the face. My fist, let me show you it.

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