Humor

The Story of Trunkboy

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My oldest, and most widely used online name is “trunkboy”. As a big fancy grown-up, I realize this name is odd at best. It’s one of those things, however, that is so deeply ingrained into my past, that ditching the name just seems wrong. Plus, it’s the account I use on gmail for everything, so it would be very inconvenient to separate myself from it. Here’s the scoop:

In 1993, I graduated from high school. I was a pretty brainy kid, and got a couple scholarships for college. One of those scholarships was for $1,000 cash that was supposedly above and beyond my needs for tuition, room, and board. As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, it was NOT above and beyond, and I had to turn the money in on day 1. My spending money for the entire year was gone, and I did not have a job (why would I need a job? I had $1,000!!!!)

The college year started, and as most college kids, I was expected to pitch in for the Saturday night beer pizza. Since I had NO money, I usually ended up mooching from my friends, and was jokingly called “Trunkboy”, because of an episode of Cheers. See, the other thing that happened in 1993 was the 11th season of Cheers. In this episode, Frasier gets shoved into the trunk of the car to get into the drive-in theater for free. They call him trunk boy. And that nickname stuck. (I didn’t fight it, because I much preferred if over “Cheap Freeloading Jerkface That Needs to Get a Job”)

So there you have it. 15 years later, I’m still Trunkboy, and although it seems silly, it reminds me of a unique time in my life. 🙂

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane… Nope, it’s a Meme.

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Nathan tagged me with a “6 Unimportant Things” meme. I have the odd position of sorta liking these type things, while completely understanding why they annoy the crap out of people. So now, I need to come up with 6 things, and then tag 6 people. It’s the latter that I feel bad about doing. But, since I did prank call Nathan once, it seems only fair that I be a good sport. 🙂 So here ya go:

Rules:

  1. Link to the person who tagged you.
  2. Post the rules.
  3. Write six things about yourself.
  4. Tag six people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
  5. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their sites.
  6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

And now my list:

  1. My right foot is turned out slightly. This mutation give me no super powers, nor does it really hinder me in any way. It’s very unlikely said mutation would qualify me as one of the X-MEN.
  2. My first car was a 1978 Volkswagen Rabbit Diesel. I paid $250 for it, and would gladly pay 10 times that much for the same vehicle now. I didn’t know what glow plugs were at the time, and I think it would have made the experience much nicer if I had.
  3. I’m absolutely terrified of bees. It’s one of those fears that you’d think would be funny to tease about, but I’m so scared, it really wouldn’t be fun. It just isn’t fun watching a grown man cry.
  4. I prefer driving a vehicle with a manual transmission. Maybe it’s a power-trip control issue. Maybe it’s just that I like to keep busy while driving. Whatever the reason, I like ’em better.
  5. I like hot tea and cold tea. I like hot coffee, but think cold coffee concoctions are horrible abominations
  6. I wear mismatched socks on every occasion I can. I’ve mentioned this before, but it remains true. I find it very difficult to take life too seriously while wearing one purple sock and one green one.

Now I have to tag people. I’m sorry I have to do this, but I’ll try to tag people that will forgive me. I suspect they won’t all actually participate, but I don’t think they’ll disown me either:

REDACTED. See above post.

Sorry guys & gals. 🙂

April Foolery at Linux Journal

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BeOS InsideYesterday, Linux Journal let me go crazy with an April Fool’s Day joke. I came up with the idea to switch our focus to an old operating system, BeOS, and pretended to seriously report on things pertaining to BeOS. The whole LJ crew got into the fun, and we ended up with quite a round of shenanigans throughout the day.

The downside is that I started working at Linux Journal a couple years too late. April Fool’s website spoofs aren’t nearly as popular as they once were, so the word didn’t get out like it might have even as little as one year ago. Still, it was incredibly fun, and for the most part was taken well by the audience. I particularly enjoyed writing the absurd little “articles” that posted on the front page. They’re very short, and linked below if anyone wants to see them:

The funniest part of the day was that a comment on the youtube video appreciated my humor, and thought my geeky hairdo was “staged” for the spoof. Uh… That’s just how my hair looks. 🙂

Thanks to all that played along, and thanks to Linux Journal for allowing my idea to overtake the website.

Computer Generated Coupon Problems

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Our local grocery store has a machine that prints coupons for you as you check out. It bases the particular coupons on the things you buy, and has a fairly good track record of choosing appropriate products. I just went to the store to pick something up for dinner for the kids. Our purchases were:

  • (1) Bottle of sparkling grape juice. (The kids like to pretend its wine)
  • (2) Bags of Doritos (they’re on sale buy one get one)
  • (3) Kid Cuisine TV dinners.

And this is the coupon that printed out for me:

coupon.jpg

Don’t get me wrong, $2.00 off seems like a good deal and all, but I find the demographics a bit off…

I Got Nothin’

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I’m tired. It’s been a long week.

One funny story (well, funny for me):

I was talking with my friend Josh this evening, and he commented that Easter week is always really busy and tiring. He’s a pastor, so I’m sure that’s the case. My response was, “Yeah, it was pretty tough on Jesus too…”

To which we both laughed. It was probably blasphemous, but still, funny. 🙂

Sweet Tea is an Abomination

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sweettea.jpgPictured here, you see McDonald’s new “Sweet Tea”, which apparently is meant to add to the Southern Style menu that is fashionable of late. I like tea. I like sugar. Sweet tea, however, mixes the two ingredients in an unholy ratio. While I haven’t scientifically measured, I estimate the sugar-to-tea ratio is about eleventy five bajillion to one. I’ve eaten sugar cubes that are less sweet than this stuff.

The scary part, is that upon asking a friend that lives in the south about this crazy Northern version of the beverage that is so common in the south, he assured me that it’s probably sweeter down there. (This, by the way, would only be possible by creating some tea-based super solution, which would instantly crystallize when ingested. I’m just sayin’)

Soooo…. What the heck?!?!! Y’all from down south: Do you really enjoy this sort of thing? Do you also suck the honey right out of the honey bear too? Has the heat gotten to all y’all?

Oh, and there is a particularly sweet, slightly brown snowbank outside my house.

Back to Armpit Noises and Fart Jokes

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Ok, my blog has been not much fun for me the past few days, so I’m resolving to have fun here. No more politics (my political views, for the record, are reflected here, and there will be some funny political “commercials” coming your way soon). No more metaphorical vegetable stories. No more BOFH type posts.

At least until I feel like doing any of those things again. Because it’s my blog. And I’m fickle. 🙂

So, just so that I cover the gamut of controversial issues, I leave you with irrefutable proof that Stevie Wonder is God:

1) God is Love (1 John 4:8)
2) Love is Blind (Shakespeare, Nietzsche)
3) Stevie Wonder is Blind (He can’t see.)

So Stevie Wonder is God. And I’m his humble preacher, so send your tithes and offerings to me. I’ll be sure he gets them. 😉